Impressions
by sakuradancer3
Summary: Roxanne had to wonder which face was the true face of Megamind. Talentless hack and professional annoyance or truly gifted, albeit absentminded, genius capable of far more than he wants others to believe? She wonders...  T for future language/situations.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: OLLO!

So, I'm back. Seriously, I have a really nasty habit with starting stories and leaving them dangling in the wind. I should get on that. However, I watched _Megamind_ for the first time last week and FELL IN LOVE. God…may I please have a Megamind? I'll buy him a puppy! I'll buy him ten puppies!

I am totally obsessing over the Megarox couple, fyi. I got this idea for a story a little while ago. I don't know if it will include scenes from the movie, but there will be a separate storyline and original moments that come from yours truly. It's going to be several chapters long, and I actually have a ton of ideas in the works. I just have to find time to get them typed up.

Anyway, I don't own Megamind. I wish I did. I would totally be cool with being kidnapped by him. –wink-

* * *

><p>After years of kidnapping and rescues, Roxanne Ritchi considers herself to be something of an expert on the superhero and villain of Metro City. If nothing else, she is certainly an expert on Metro Man. Anyone can be an expert on him, really. Just hang around him for an hour or so. He'll recite his life's story faster than you can tell him your name.<p>

Not that she has anything against the hero. Wayne Scott had a good heart but he was nothing but a huge stereotype. Seriously, she sometimes wondered if he popped out of a Superman comic. He was a nice guy, but just too easy to understand. Roxanne liked a challenge.

It was the prospect of a challenge that made her so interested in Megamind. True, his actions were oftentimes just as, if not more, clichéd as Metro Man's. Seriously, death rays? Laser guns? Come on.

But despite the inevitable results of his evil plans, Roxanne was always being surprised by the blue man. Sometimes it was a moment of embarrassment in which she wondered how he managed not to curl into the fetal position and die. Other times it was a rare moment of graceful skill which seemed almost unnatural to her. However, as she began to notice these small triumphant moments, Roxanne had to wonder which face was the true face of Megamind. Talentless hack and professional annoyance? Or was he a truly gifted, albeit absentminded, genius capable of far more than he wants others to believe? As the number of interactions with the villain increased, Roxanne had to wonder...

* * *

><p>Kidnapping #28<p>

It was winter now and Roxanne was NOT happy. Seriously, for all his "big-headed braininess" couldn't Megamind have had the foresight to rig up some sort of nuclear radiator or something? He might be blue, but she felt like she was giving him a run for his money in the blueness department. Her face was stinging with cold.

"Miss Ritchi…we meet again." Megamind swiveled around in his chair and Roxanne bit back a giggle at his appearance. The man was wearing his usual leather cape and spiked boots, but wrapped around his skinny neck was a neon orange scarf with ugly brown fringe. The colors clashed to the point of humor.

"…so when Metro Man bursts down, the trap will be set!" He had been talking while she stared at the monstrosity around his neck. Snapping out of it, she shivered and tried to pay attention.

"I-I-I…" Megamind looked delighted.

"Scared speechless, eh?"

"N-N-No, you i-idiot. It's fr-freezing in here." She scoffed, managing to look haughty despite her discomfort. Megamind shrugged.

"Well, as I was saying anyway-aaaah!" Not looking where he was going, Megamind had wandered close to a machine with exposed gears. The brown fringe of his scarf was caught in a twisting cog and he spun frantically to avoid strangulation. Roxanne laughed, forgetting her discomfort in lieu of the present comedy routine. He twirled around like the world's least elegant ballerina, and Roxanne was entirely amused at how awkward her kidnapper was. Finally, he stopped twirling. Groaning, and successfully free of the orange monstrosity, Megamind tried to look collected.

"I…am really discombabulated." He sat down heavily on the floor in a flurry of leather and black cloth.

"Discombobulated, sir."

"Shut up Minion. Give me a second here." His face was slightly green. Roxanne shook her head as he tried to stand only to wobble and collapse again. Soon after, Metro Man had arrived and swept Megamind off to prison. She could hear him retching as they hurtled skyward. She had never seen that scarf again. Good thing too. It was the ugliest scarf she had ever seen.

Conclusion: Unimpressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 103<p>

Groaning, Roxanne Ritchi woke up in total darkness. The bag on her head was quickly removed and she blinked at the sudden brightness. Shaking her head to clear it, she found herself sitting in the Evil Lair next to Minion.

"Hello, Miss Ritchi."

"Hey Minion. Thanks for washing the bag."

"Sir was really angry with me for letting it go so long. I almost forgot to clean it last laundry day."

"Well, that was nice of your boss. Maybe next time he could just forget the bag. In fact, let's go crazy! He could just forget me! No kidnapping! How do you think that would go over?"

"Not well." A rough voice sounded behind her. Megamind yawned, looking scruffier than she had ever seen him. His usually trim chin was covered in five'o'clock shadow and she could hear his back crack as he stretched. She stared at him. He looked rough and sleepy, as opposed to his usual hyper self. She liked it. She absently wondered what his face would feel like against hers before shaking her head frantically to rid herself of the thought. Megamind rubbed a long hand over his cheek, his chin making a scratchy sound.

"Pardon my appearance. I usually try to look my best, but time was not on my side. Presentation is always important, as I'm sure you realize. Metro Man must live in that ridiculous suit and you always look nice..."

A compliment? Roxanne felt herself flush as she watched him slink to his chair. He must have just woken up. His voice was lower and rougher than usual and she could just imagine him whispering in her ear…

Whoa! Back it up! She shook her head again and attempted to maintain her aloof persona. Megamind shook himself as well, and she could see he was attempting to get back into character. Before he could, Metro Man had burst in and confronted him. Megamind merely cocked an eyebrow, sent a meaningful glance to Minion, and held up his hands in silent surrender. Minion untied Roxanne as Metro Man approached. Megamind yawned, interrupting what was sure to be an oh-so-original heroic speech.

"Might as well. I'm tired today. See you next week, Miss Ritchi. Minion, don't forget the laundry and the brain bot repairs. Well, hero? Up, up and afar…or awake…or whatever the phrase is. Let's go!" He was picked up and heading off. Roxanne stared after him, still hearing his sleepy bedroom voice murmuring "See you next week…" Metro Man, for all his perfection, had nothing on the bad boy sleepy head. She was confused by his behavior, his remembering to wash the bag, and with his sexy scratchy voice. She was almost looking forward to next week…

Conclusion: Impressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 19<p>

Roxanne blinked away the purple starbursts caused by that familiar burst of light that came with the removal of the kidnapping bag. Her vision focused in time to see Megamind swiveling his chair around with a dramatic evil laugh.

"So, Miss Ritchi, we meet aga-_HIC_! What was THAT?"

Roxanne cocked one eyebrow at the confused blue villain.

"What was what? Your hiccup?"

"What in the name of all that _–HIC- _is evil is a he-cup?" He retched, blinking rapidly as he stared at the restrained reporter.

"A hiccup. Not he-cup. That sounds wrong."

"What tri-_HIC_-kery is this? Some sort of sinister plot meant to –_HIC_- defeat me? Is this your doing?" She looked impassively at the accusatory finger pointing straight at her face. A silent moment passed by before she realized he was serious.

"Are you kidding me? Don't you know what a hiccup is?"

"Don't mo-_HIC_-ck me. This is obviously some sort of -_HIC_- curse caused by your temptress magic. Confess!" His emerald eyes flashed haughtily, though the effect was ruined by his decidedly squeaky hiccups.

Roxanne looked towards Minion in disbelief. The henchman leaned towards his boss and whispered quietly for a few seconds. Megamind's face flushed purple.

"Ahem. Never mind. -_HIC-_"

At that moment, the hero had swept in. Looking delighted, Megamind had produced some sort of ray gun and pointed it at him. Just as his finger pulled the trigger, a particularly impressive hiccup shook his skinny frame. The ray rebounded around the room until finally hitting the blue villain on the shoulder. He fell flat on the floor, completely immobilized. Roxanne noticed that Metro Man looked startled. Maybe Megamind really was improving...

On the floor, the blue alien growled in frustration. Through clenched teeth, he ground out,

"Foiled by the dastardly evil he-cups…perhaps a he-cup ray…I'll have to make a note of that..."

Roxanne had waited until she was back at her apartment before bursting out in laughter.

Conclusion: Unimpressed

* * *

><p>AN: So, there you have it. Chapter One of Impressions. There will be dozens of more kidnapping "flashbacks" so be on the lookout. If you have an idea that you REALLY want me to use, send me a review. I'll try to incorporate them in. How do you like it so far? Does it seem like a good idea? Let me know!

TTYL!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Time for chapter two of Impressions! I just posted the first chapter. Might as well start on the second, right?

Of course, I do not own Megamind. Don't remind me.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 52<p>

It was dawn. That was unusual. Roxanne could make out the last stars of the night through a hole in the ceiling. She was dressed for the day already, but she thought she had been the only citizen of Metro City dressed so early. Did Megamind _ever _sleep? Luckily she had just gotten back from an international assignment the day before, so her internal clock was off. She wished she had gotten to drink her coffee before they showed up though. She could have used the caffeine. Off to the side, Megamind and Minion were conversing in low tones. She couldn't hear them, though she made out phrases like "bipartical molecular stability" and "finite interdimensional connections". Seriously? He couldn't pronounce the word "hiccup"" but he had no problems with words like that?

She noticed now that they had stopped talking. Minion took a seat in front of a monitor that was currently working on some complex algorithm of some sort. Megamind cleared his throat importantly, and she sighed. Show time.

"So, Miss Ritchi. We meet again."

"Uh, you said that already."

"I did?" He faltered, looking at Minion. Minion shrugged.

"Yup. We were at the part where I complain about the smell of the bag." She smiled inwardly. This was one of the few times she appreciated his predictability. It provided her with a preset script. Much easier to be funny when you knew what was coming.

"Oh, indeed? Very well. Continue." He ordered grandly, taking her word for it.

"…ok. Would it kill you to wash the bag more often?"

"I'm afraid that foul odor is the least of your worries!" He replied triumphantly, green eyes sparkling. She loved when they sparkled like that. It was so much more fun to bait him when he was triumphant.

"Maybe if you bathed, I wouldn't be so overwhelmed." She smirked, seeing him flush purple.

"I am very hygienic, Miss Ritchi. And while I appreciate that I tend to work with corrosive chemicals which lead me to smell a bit…fragrant, you must admit that it would be ridiculous if I halted my evil plot to spratz on some _Jean Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme_."

Roxanne was again struck with the ridiculousness of his vocabulary. He had trouble remembering the word "hello" but his French accent was impeccable. That's just WRONG.

"It's "spritz", by the way. And it would be infinitely better for you to smell of some fancy-pants French perfume than sweat and sulfur."

"…It's a cologne, not a perfume." He muttered, embarrassed. He had never thought about his odor before. Did he really smell that bad?

Roxanne stared at his averted face. Had she just…hurt his feelings? Secretly, she liked the musty smell of leather and the sharp tang of metal that surrounded him, but sometimes, like this morning, the chemicals overpowered her senses. He could smell like rotten eggs sometimes. Suddenly, he turned from her with a dramatic swish of his cape. Startled, she watched him with growing apprehension. He was deviating. Why was he deviating? She didn't quite know where to go with docility. He stopped in the corner and she heard a running faucet. Was he…washing up? She felt a little ashamed of herself. She hadn't meant to imply that she found him repugnant. The sound of running water cut off with a squeak and she heard a small squeaky _poof_ sound.

'Don't tell me…' as he came closer, she sniffed. Yup. He had put on perfume. Oh, right. Cologne.

"May I continue now?" His voice was a petulant whine, but she could see he was still embarrassed. A supervillain easily defeated by a snarky comment about body odor. This was definitely weird. And seriously not intimidating.

Conclusion: Unimpressed (but ashamed)

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 97<p>

Roxanne sighed, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. She was outside City Hall, finishing up a piece on the new police regulations. Jack, her old cameraman, had retired just a few days before, and this was her first assignment with the new guy. Hal Stewart, or "Hellacious Hal" as he tried to introduce himself as, was a short man whose unkempt juvenile clothes barely covered his rather extensive middle. After the camera had stopped rolling, he had immediately launched into a long-winded monologue. Twenty minutes later and a drive back to the studio and he was still talking.

"Seriously, Rox…can I call you Rox? No? Ok, how about Rox-a-rooni? No? Ok, then, Roxie it is. You know you like it! Anyway, I was just thinking that we should go grab some coffee or something, you know, you and me, alone…" He trailed off, looking at her hopefully as they climbed out of the van and closed the doors. Roxanne caught a whiff of stale Doritos and sweat.

"Um, that sounds tempting, Hal. I don't think I can today…"

"Aw, come on, babe!" Hal reached out and snagged her wrist. His hand was pudgy, warm and sticky. She felt dirty.

"Hal, really, I don't think-"

"Don't think, Rox-a-roo! Just _feel_." His nasally voice grated on her ears. He pulled her closer and she felt rather then saw his free hand hovering around her lower back.

"Hal, let me go…" Her voice raised a couple octaves, much to her shame. He was pulling her towards him…

"Come on, Roxie! Just a couple minutes…"

"HEY! HANDS OFF!" A familiar voice burst out angrily. The pudgy man jumped, actually gripping her wrist tighter as he looked about frantically for the source of the shout. Megamind had appeared in sky holding on to a rope ladder attached to his black fog-producing dirigible. His heavy black boots landed silently as he leapt the remaining twenty foot drop to block their path. His cape fluttered dramatically behind him, but his expression held none of the usual flamboyancy. Megamind's face was impassive as he leveled his de-gun at Hal. Roxanne could hear the man next to her gasping for breath, shocked by this first sight of the resident supervillain. She herself was speechless at his sudden appearance.

"Did you not hear me? Let. Roxanne. Go." His voice was more dangerous than it had ever been before. He almost never called her by her first name. Hal, eyes widening at the sight of the gun, quickly released her wrist and held his empty hands forward frantically. Roxanne touched her reddened wrist gently, still feeling the pressure of those sweaty fat fingers holding her, trapping her-

A long fingered blue hand touched her fingertips and led her forward possessively. As she drew closer to Megamind, she could feel her unease fading. The touch, light and cool, was gentle, though Megamind's face was absolutely livid.

"Never grab her again. She's not _yours_. Get it?"

"G-got it." Hal squeaked.

"Good." Megamind's eyes narrowed at the man, filled with rage. "Why are you still here?"

Hal blinked then blanched. "Right, man, right. Do your thing. I'm gone, man. So, uh, Roxie, see you tomor- eek!" He squeaked as Megamind's glare intensified. Without saying another word, Hal ran into the studio. Silently, Megamind drew her wrist closer for inspection. Roxanne felt his cool breath on her irritated skin, erasing the memory of the clammy grip. She slowly blushed as he continued to scrutinize her wrist.

"Thanks."

"Has he ever done that before?" His voice was low, dangerous, but his eyes were softer and more familiar.

"No. He's basically harmless, but seriously thick."

"I think he got the message."

"Yeah, I would say so." She let out a nervous giggle, and felt his hand squeeze her fingers gently in response. She looked down at their joined hands, blue and peach intertwined. He followed her gaze and loosened his grip, clearing his throat.

"So, this rescue is a kidnapping, right?" She asked, unsure of what was happening.

"Huh? Oh, no. I was just passing by. Need to pick up some new supplies from the harbor and drop off some scraps at the junkyard. That's why I came from the sky. Usually I'd take the car."

"Oh, so you aren't kidnapping me?" He looked at her, his face finally relaxing into a suggestive half-smile.

"Not today, Miss Ritchi." There was the title again. She had hoped he would keep calling her Roxanne; something about the way his voice purred as he said it made it exciting. "Unless, of course, you wish to be my captive."

She gaped at him, flushing even further. His smile widened. "Just kidding, my dear Miss Ritchi. Just kidding. Anyway, watch out for that idiot. He seems to think you are available for that kind of treatment. Hmph." He snorted angrily, then his gaze softened as he met her gaze. She smiled softly, and the corner of his mouth curled upwards in response. He brought his watch to his lips, green eyes held to her baby blues.

"Minion? I'm coming back up!" And he grabbed at the rope ladder as the dirigible began to rise. She watched him go, holding his steady gaze.

"Until next time, Miss Ritchi. Take care." And he was gone. The only evidence of the event the fading red finger marks. She rubbed her wrist in disbelief and headed home. She was almost looking forward to work tomorrow.

Ok, so he didn't take her prisoner. However, she did get out of work because of him so in essence he did steal her from her routine. And the rest of her day was definitely centered on him. She decided it was a kidnapping; in fact, possibly her most favorite one yet.

Conclusion: Impressed. Grateful and Impressed.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 11<p>

The sun was setting, jewel tones streaked the sky, visible through the holes in the roof of the Lair. Roxanne yawned. It had been a long day, and she was really getting bored with this whole kidnapping thing. She yawned again, actually cracking her jaw in the process. Megamind stopped speaking with an angry huff.

"Well, I apologize if I am boring you, Miss Ritchi. I am merely attempting to slay your boyfriend…"

Ah, yes. Suddenly, she had a boyfriend. People assumed that after so many kidnappings, Roxanne must be more involved with the super beings of Metro City than she seemed. And since there could be nothing between the pretty reporter and a blue alien, it must be a secret affair between the damsel and the hero. Roxanne had a feeling that the only reason why she was such a popular target was that she somehow amused the villain. She had quickly involved him in witty banter, easily setting him up then tricking him into submission. She wasn't unduly concerned with the rumors, but it did have the nasty consequence of making Metro Man possessive. Roxanne found it endearing at first but it soon became annoying. The man was a walking cliché. No lie.

Megamind acted like a stereotypical villain as well, but Roxanne quickly discerned that he was playing a part of some sort. Metro Man was seriously as corny as he behaved, but Roxanne had the sneaking suspicion that the real Megamind was hiding behind his role. After the sixth or seventh kidnapping, she had come to the conclusion that Megamind would never seriously place her in harm's way. Her fear of him gone, Roxanne soon realized that underneath the evil façade was another person entirely. Naïve, clumsy, distracted and brilliant, Megamind hid many character traits when he donned his cape. Tonight, he was prancing around the room making adjustments to a large and complex machine.

"Ha! Just wait, Mr. Goody Two Shoes, until you see my latest- WHAT WAS THAT?" Megamind squeaked, ducking to avoid a black shape that had barely grazed his head. Roxanne looked up with interest.

"That, sir, is a bat."

"A bat? Like in the bases game with the muzzled man?"

"No, sir. The bats in baseball are blunt force instruments. This bat is a type of animal. A nocturnal mammal of the _Chiroptera_ order."

"_Chiroptera_? That roughly translates as 'winged-hand', correct? So it is a flying mammal? How extraordinary!" Roxanne watched Megamind. She could almost hear the gears in his head whirring as he translated the scientific term into English. His eyes studied the bat closely for a few minutes, tracking its seemingly random movements with ease, an excited expression dawning over his face.

"I wish to examine this bat that is not a bat more closely. How shall I do this, Minion?" The question was apparently rhetorical, as Megamind quickly snapped his fingers triumphantly. He flung himself into his chair and rolled over to a table. Roxanne couldn't see what he was doing, but there was a shower of sparks from a tool and the sound of metal on metal. He hurried back over to the center of the room and Roxanne saw that he was holding what looked like a telegraph transmitter. He placed it on the floor and lay down flat. Megamind looked to Minion.

"Bait?"

"Right away sir." Minion left, feeling Roxanne's questioning stare on his back, before hurrying back with a plate heaped with with overripe fruit. Megamind wrinkled his nose at the smell, but placed it next to him. He shushed them both, and Roxanne bit back a laugh at his excited and expectant expression. He pressed the round button on his machine and suddenly a loud clicking noise filled the air. Roxanne gasped as the bat dropped like a missile straight at the prone genius. Megamind look delighted as the bat came to a stop right on top of his invention. The bat quickly began to eat the fruit as Megamind wriggled backwards so as to observe.

"What did you do? How did you do that?" Roxanne whispered, staring at the little bat. She had never seen one this close.

"Well, it was using echolocation to fly. I heard several distinct clicks and realized that I could use that to my advantage. I constructed a device capable of replicating those clicks and was able to draw attention to where the bait was waiting." Megamind answered in a low voice, staring at the bat in fascination.

"You invented a device? In like sixty seconds?"

"It was eighty seven seconds, Miss Ritchi. And…fascinating. I suppose the membrane is the sole component of the wings' infrastructure. How then…" Megamind murmured to himself, ignoring Roxanne's stare. Minutes passed, and soon the bat ran out of food. It took off, it's flight watched by three silent observers. Megamind leapt up, startling his companions.

"Incredible! That was seriously amazing! I like those things, Minion. Can we get one?"

"Sir, I don't think they would make good pets. And anyway, aren't we in the middle of something here?"

"Oh! Right! Oops! Ouch!" Roxanne laughed at his reaction. Megamind had been wringing his hands in awe of the creature in front of him, but at the reminder of his mission, had smacked himself in the face in embarrassment. Unfortunately, he had apparently smacked too hard and had hurt himself. His cheeks were flushed by the force of his hands and were growing pinker still in embarrassment. His face was hilarious. All the awe that Roxanne had felt at his scientific prowess was forgotten. That confused expression of disbelief was just priceless.

Conclusion: Unimpressive Villain (Impressive Scientist)

* * *

><p>AN: So there is chapter two. I have so many ideas, but once I start typing the flashbacks take on their own life force. Weird. I have some more chapters coming up. As always, I'd appreciate a review. Let me know how I'm doing! If you see any grammar flaws, let me know. I'm typing (Thanks, Penelope!) this up while tired, so...yeah.

TTYL!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here comes chapter three! Thank you for the reviews, I really appreciate them. Please continue to send comments to me.  
>I do not own Megamind. I do own the Megamind Stress Buster App. So. Awesome.<br>On with the show! (Be happy, Alex!)

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 49<p>

Grrr. Why was she _here_? Didn't Megamind take her away from the studio enough when he was free? It had been three years ago to the day that she had first been kidnapped, and some wiseass in the P.R. Department had decided that this "anniversary" was important enough to deserve a story. As such, she had been sent to interview the cobalt criminal at the prison. She was a little eager to see what was going on with the villain since she hadn't heard from him in a month. That couldn't possibly be a good sign.

The last kidnapping had been a messy one; the Lair had been blown up when a rebounding laser beam had hit a crate of missiles. The resulting explosion had left her seeing stars for hours. She was glad when Wayne finally hauled the little creep off. She had cooled off though, and was able to interview him. She especially wanted to ask him why she had spotted the "invisible car" parked outside her apartment that morning.

Roxanne was no stranger to the visiting process of Metro City's prison. A drunken car accident involving a member of the mayoral committee had placed a prominent member of the community behind bars for two months. She remembered this hallway, that red haired guard with the silver tooth, and turned to enter the stuffy interview room. The blonde guard escorting her shook his head and continued down the hallway. As he explained it, she would be interviewing him from directly outside his cell.

She was startled to learn that Megamind was not allowed in the interview room. Apparently, he was "too dangerous" at the current moment.

"Too dangerous" for that? Really? Roxanne snorted. She never thought of Megamind as being a serious threat. An annoyance, certainly. A genius, usually. But dangerous?

She felt less amused as she was led further into the prison. She was frisked at a locked door, despite having gone through security at the entrance already. She was then told to remove all her jewelry, electronic devices, and even her high heels. Armed with a single notepad, a sharpie, and wearing clinical booties, Roxanne was shown to a solid metal door. What kind of prison was this? How paranoid were these people? What did they think he would do? Stab them with her heels before gauging out their eyes with a pen and constructing a bomb with her tape recorder? Yeah right. He couldn't handle wearing a scarf.

A round window opened up and she stared incredulously at the whimsical paint job that covered the walls. The room was empty save for a single swiveling chair and a mounted television that continually changed channels. The guard swallowed, his Adam's Apple bobbing nervously.

"Hey, you in there. You've got a visitor."

The chair slowly turned to face them. The light from the television caused the room to flicker eerily. Through the dizzying bursts of light, Roxanne could make out…was that Megamind?

"Another person come to stare at the freak in the cage? Who is it now?" Megamind barely looked at her, then swiveled back to face the television. He pressed the channel button at a steady pace, emerald eyes staring straight at the screen.

That voice wasn't Megamind's. That glare wasn't Megamind's. That angry and defiant figure seated in that room couldn't possibly be…

Without his cape, Megamind's body looked even skinnier than it typically did. His normally vibrant skin was paler than usual but was still startling against the orange jumpsuit, and Roxanne was shocked to see how different he looked. He was normally so energetic and distracted; here it felt like he saw everything all at once. She had never thought about what effect solitude and deprivation would have on his advanced mind. The television must be the only source of information available to him. She had a sneaking suspicion that he was devouring the information quicker than she was able to process the channel number.

"H-Hey. The warden says to tell you to play along."

"Oh, well, how nice for the warden. Fine." Megamind turned the television off as the guard flipped a switch near the door. The lights flickered on, and the kidnapper and hostage finally saw each other clearly. Megamind looked strained. There were distinct shadows under his eyes and his face looked haggard.

"Well, Miss Ritchi. We meet again."

The familiar greeting sounded strange coming from that twisted snarling face. The usual mischievous tone was absent, replaced with barely concealed distrust. Roxanne felt her heart twinge as she looked at the stranger in front of her.

"Hello, Megamind." She had imagined saying some snarky comment about the lack of the kidnapping bag, but that seemed like a bad idea.

"Leave us, Jones." Megamind spat out, making the blonde guard flinch.

"I-I don't think I-"

"Leave. I'll play for now. Just leave."

"I'll be fine," Roxanne murmured, noticing the guard's indecision. "You can go."

"I'll be down the hall then."

And then there was silence. After a few awkward moments, Roxanne had to break the tension.

"Are you ok?"

"Ok?" His tone was mocking, and she flinched at the unexpected venom that laced his voice. "Am I ok? What do you think? _Do I look ok_?"

"Not really." She said, trying to hide her discomfort. "You actually kind of look like crap. That is hardly a fitting look for the so-called Master of all Villainy." Roxanne was relieved to see the hard glare soften into the familiar calculating stare.

"Touché, Miss Ritchi." There was another awkward moment, but it was less daunting than before. Roxanne looked closer at Megamind. His eyes were bloodshot and he was constantly moving; a twitchy finger, a jiggling leg, darting eyes…

"Megamind." He met her steady gaze slowly. "What's wrong? Really?"

"…Minion is missing."

Roxanne tried to think as Megamind hoarsely related how he had been unable to contact Minion after the unplanned explosion that day in the lair. He had exhausted all his sources, and no one had seen or heard anything. His voice broke as he explained that this was the longest he and his friend had ever been apart.

"Actually, I think that Minion is-"

"What! TELL ME!" He rushed forward, eyes wide.

"I saw the invisible car outside my apartment this morning, a shiny outline near the curb. That's your car, right?"  
>Megamind leapt up, laughing gleefully. "Of course! Emergency plan number 37-RX! He must have been injured in the explosion and…" he began mumbling to himself, pacing back and forth.<p>

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Were you assigned to this interview from some new guy in the P.R. department?"

"Y-Yeah. How'd you know…_Minion_!" His delighted laughter was her only answer. He spun around gleefully, unable to contain his happiness.

"Yes, that must be Minion. Ah, that fantastic fish! He's alive! Thank heaven. Oh, he's alive!"

Roxanne felt herself smiling at his ecstatic exclamations. She had known that Minion was devoted to Megamind, but she had always felt that somehow the fish's devotion to the villain was undeserved. Megamind was often so insensitive to the wishes of his friend, and Roxanne had actually been concerned for Minion. She had never seen this side of the villain. He really did care, underneath all that leather. She cleared her throat as she noticed the blonde guard poke his head around the corner. Megamind quieted, but his face was glowing. She smiled at him, relieved that he was back to normal.

'It's funny. I thought I knew this guy. I guess I'll have to pay closer attention…' She shot a quick glance over her shoulder at the approaching guard, then winked at Megamind. His face flushed purple and his nose scrunched up as he tried to disguise his grin.

"Thank you. I have all that I needed." Roxanne said to the guard. As they left, she mouthed over her shoulder,

'See you soon.'

He bowed, eyes twinkling conspiratorially. Roxanne was struck by the change in his attitude. He looked alive again. She was…glad.  
>Conclusion: Impressed (Who knew villains could be so devoted?)<p>

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 44<p>

Roxanne was staring at Minion. The fishy henchman wriggled uncomfortably under her stare, unused to such scrutiny. A loud screeching sound had distracted Megamind and he had run out of the room, claiming that he needed to make some minor alterations to his latest machine. Roxanne had learned by now that "minor alterations" meant a good thirty minutes of work, and was resigned to being left to her own devices. Having observed the room silently, Roxanne had been watching Minion for a solid five minutes. The fish was feeling self-conscious.

"What are you looking at Miss. Ritchi?"

"You, Minion."

"Oh." There was a moment of silence. Then, "Why?"

"Because I don't understand you."

"Is my speaking vocalizer broken?" A robotic arm tested the stability of some wires that were connected to the robot's neck.

"No, I hear you fine. I mean, I don't understand why you are _here_. You don't really seem that evil. Why do you bother dealing with Mr. Evil Genius?"

Minion looked confused. "Why do I bother? I'm afraid I don't understand."

Roxanne sighed. "I mean, I get it. You are his friend and all, but isn't there a limit to how far a friend is willing to go? I mean, you are an accessory to all kinds of felonies. Doesn't that _bother_ you?" Minion seemed to be considering the question. Roxanne had been wondering about the henchman's opinions for a long time. Roxanne knew Megamind wanted to destroy his nemesis, but she had never really understood why Minion was participating in the struggle. He didn't seem that bent on villainy.

"I'm not bothered by anything Sir does. I live to serve him."

Roxanne was startled at the look of intense devotion and loyalty that radiated from the fish's eyes.

"Is it like you are a slave or something? Is he forcing you to help him? Or is he somehow controlling you through that robot body? If so, I can-"

"Please stop, Miss. Ritchi." Minion's usually friendly voice was sharp. "I will not permit you to speak that way about Sir. He is my boss and I am his Minion. I live to help him, and you couldn't possibly understand what he means to me. I would die for him, and not because he programmed me that way. If you think that the boss is capable of that, then you really don't know him at all. Excuse me, Miss. Ritchi." Minion turned to fiddle with a computer, his back ramrod straight.

Roxanne watched Minion with a wondering expression. Minion was always so polite, so apologetic for any perceived inconvenience he or his boss may have incurred. On top of that, she knew he often was unhappy about his role in Megamind's evil schemes. He would do his duty, but he would wear an expression of regret while programming a death ray. Megamind returned, grease and oil smudged all over his leather gloves and blue face. Minion took one look at his charge and _tsk-_ed and held out a nearby towel.

"Sir, you look filthy. I just washed those gloves. Don't you know how difficult it is to clean leather without ruining it?"

"Minion, be quiet." Megamind retorted, grabbing the proffered towel and scrubbing his face furiously. Minion fell silent immediately. Megamind tossed the towel onto the floor and stalked over to his hostage. Behind him, Minion sighed as he picked up the towel from the floor and folded it neatly on the table. Roxanne watched Minion sympathetically, then glared at Megamind. He was such a spoiled little brat, such an ungrateful little bastard. He had a devoted and loyal friend, and all he did was walk all over him. Roxanne refused to banter with the villain, and was glad when Metro Man appeared. She thought Minion deserved the peace and quiet that came with the incarceration of his boss. Poor Minion.

Conclusion: Unimpressed.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 29<p>

Roxanne sighed, though it was difficult to do through her chattering lips. Last time she was here, she had wished for a nuclear radiator or something, but it appeared as though Megamind was impervious to the weather. Or maybe not, she thought with a grin, remembering that orange woolen monstrosity that had almost strangled the villain the previous week. Hopefully he had learned not to wear scarves around exposed machinery. She wondered how he would deal with the cold this time.

She didn't wonder for long. Megamind descended upon her, wearing what appeared to be…a Snuggie? Seriously?

"What are you _wearing_?" Roxanne didn't even wait for Megamind to begin speaking before interrupting him. Megamind looked down at himself uncomfortably.

"A snoogie." He mumbled, looking at her through his eyelashes. Roxanne let out a disbelieving snort.

"A _Snuggie_." She corrected immediately, before looking closer at him. His Snuggie was black, with white skull and crossbones patterned around it. She observed him, starting from his boots all the way up to his face. He avoided her stare. "You decided to kidnap me…in a Snuggie."

"Yes." He agreed, unsure of how to answer her. "I find the weather to be cold."

"Well, yeah. It's winter." Roxanne stated, not exactly rudely. He risked a glance at her, glad she wasn't laughing. He realized that she was shivering and glanced behind him at Minion.

"Do you want one, Miss. Ritchi?" Minion asked, looking from his boss to the hostage. Roxanne was startled.

"I am cold…" She suddenly found herself wearing the traditional blue Snuggie. He hands were retied in front of her body and she felt herself warm up gradually. She sighed, her breath visible in the cold air. Megamind looked unsure of himself.

"Is it…too cold in here?" He asked hesitantly. "I just realized that if _I_ feel cold, then you must be freezing."

So, he was more comfortable when cold? Roxanne remembered once feeling his hand. It _had_ been cool, but she hadn't thought anything of it. She had been preoccupied at that time.

"It is cold." She admitted. "It's…really frickin' cold, actually."

"Oh." A beat. "Want something to drink?"

So it was that Roxanne found herself holding a large mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows floating on the top, sitting across from her kidnapper. He sat directly in front of her in his usual chair, indian-style, nursing a steaming cup in his blue hands. Roxanne breathed in, smelling leather and machines and chocolate and cold. She took a cautious sip from the hot cup. It was delicious, creamy and smooth. Megamind was watching her with an expectant expression.

"It's good." She said, and he smiled happily.

"Minion and I invented the recipe. It's always good. Of course, only the best for the master of all villainy!" He waggled his eyebrows at her, and she laughed.

Roxanne sipped at the drink, watching her kidnapper out of the corner of her eye. Megamind was taking large gulps of the drink, and his upper lip was coated with melted marshmallow. His green eyes sparkled happily as he smacked his lips with relish. Her own blue eyes twinkled at him.

"You have some marshmallow there…" He attempted to see his upper lip before wiping his face with the back of his hand. He looked at the marshmallow streak, then licked it. Roxanne squealed.

"Ew! Don't do that, that's nasty!"

"But delicious!" He chortled, looking at her mischeviously. "Want some?" He thrust his hand at her face, and she twisted away laughing.

Suddenly, a loud crack made them all jump. Metro Man, looking heroic in full regalia, complete with a white and gold scarf, burst down from the ceiling and struck a heroic pose. Roxanne inwardly groaned at his ridiculous posturing, before her attention was diverted to Megamind. When the hero had burst in, his reaction had caused the remainder of his drink to spill in his lap. He was currently howling, using the wet paper towels Minion had offered to wipe up the spill. Roxanne noticed that Wayne's mouth was trembling as he watched the scene before him.

Yup, it was official. Megamind was ridiculous. Even the devoted hero had to fight to stay in character around the villain. She took another sip of her hot chocolate as she watched him leap around, whimpering in pain. He may be a crappy villain, but he sure could make a mean hot chocolate. Maybe next time she would ask for extra marshmallows.

Conclusion: Unimpressed but Amused

* * *

><p>AN: There you have it! I finally reached ten reviews, so I decided I owed it to you all to update. Once again, I apologize for any grammatical errors. I tried to avoid them as best as I could. Just an fyi, the last one here is the one directly following the brown scarf incident that was in chapter one. There will be these little callbacks to past kidnapping attempts and I am going to try my best to keep them as straightforward and simple as I can. Also, there really is a skull and crossbones Snuggie. I saw it online, and knew Megamind, if he had a Snuggie, would have that one. I actually don't like Snuggies. The one I had was really static-y and I kept shocking myself. I hated it. But Megamind is allowed to have one. I won't hold it against him. LOL

Anyway, keep reviewing. I live off of my reviews, and I would love to get at least five per chapter. Let me know if you have any requests, suggestions, or improvements.

TTYL


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey everybody! I am so excited to be told that I am keeping the characters authentic! Thank you for all your encouragement.

Thank you guys again for all the positive reviews, critiques and suggestions. I know that you all want more "Impressed" kidnapping scenes, but if anyone has any "Unimpressed" ones, please let me know. It's easy to make Megs totally cool (he's like that naturally!) so any help making him sillier than suave would help.

I know you guys are all bored with me, so without further ado, here is Chapter Four!

I don't own Megamind and that makes me melon-colic. (I said that to my English Professor a while back…without realizing it. Yup. I know.)

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 35<p>

Roxanne was thankful that she was wearing pants. She had regained consciousness slowly, thanks to the forget-me-stick. The first thing she had realized was that she was strapped to a vertical table, leather straps (black, of course) binding her arms and legs. She could hear Megamind approach her, his heavy boots loud in the unusually quiet room. She decided that she disliked this position. It was hard to maintain her condescending attitude when she couldn't see the person she was being condescending to.

"Miss. Ritchi, what a pleasant surprise!" She couldn't see him, unable to turn her head behind her.

"Surprise? Hardly. You kidnapped me!" She really didn't like this. Hearing a voice, even Megamind's, coming from nowhere was creepy.

"…" Roxanne imagined he had a befuddled expression, trying to come up with a witty retort. The silence lingered, and despite her usual confidence, Roxanne wished he would just show himself. This was getting old. As if he could read her mind, Megamind circled the table until she could see him. She was directly at eye level to the villain, and for a second was distracted by the startling green of his eyes. She wasn't used to being eye to eye with Megamind, and his intense gaze was a little disconcerting.

Roxanne had gotten used to Megamind's blue skin, but his eyes still startled her. They were so green, so piercing, so intense, so…close. She realized suddenly how close he was to her. She let out a squeak, berating herself for letting him get the upper hand. He looked smug, proud to have successfully startled his hostage. Roxanne was momentarily distracted by how expressive his face was, but soon remembered herself. She broke eye contact, tossing her short brown hair haughtily in an attempt to regain her dignity.

"This is different, I'll give you that." Roxanne said, still avoiding his eyes. "But it is more uncomfortable then scary."

"Nice save, Miss. Ritchi." Megamind scoffed, turning dramatically and stalking over to his monitors. Roxanne shifted, feeling her arms getting tired. Megamind was unusually quiet, studying some complex formula that was flying across the screen. Suddenly, Roxanne felt something vibrate.

Oh, no.

Please, no.

_I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it,_

_ Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it,_

_Sticks and stones may break my bones, _

_ but chains and whips excite me._

Her ringtone sounded deafening in the silence. Roxanne's eyes were closed, praying that whoever it was would just hang up, god, why had she made that song her ringtone, yup, there it goes again, why won't they just hang up already, ok, yes, finally. The song stopped, thank god, and there was silence.

How embarrassing. Roxanne opened one eye to glance at Megamind's frozen back. He slowly turned to face her, leather boots squeaking slightly as he did so. She forced herself to look him in the eyes, bracing herself for the imminent suggestive banter and general mortification. It didn't come.

Megamind's face was burning, that odd pinkish-purple blush replacing his usual blue color. His eyes, those green eyes, were huge in naïve disbelief. He tried to speak, but his voice cracked and he coughed. He seemed to be staring at a spot above her head…

Roxanne looked up at the leather straps that bound her to the table. She felt her face flush, and she looked back at him with an awkward half-laugh. He had clasped one long fingered hand over his mouth, trying to hide his blush. His eyes alternated between looking at her pocket, where her cell phone was, and the leather straps. When he noticed she was watching him, he yelped, stuttering as his face grew even brighter, his ears taking on the same color as his face.

"You, I, but, whips, song, wait, what?" He stammered, frantically taking a step back as he met her eyes. He stepped on his cape, causing his head to jerk back as he fell, long arms and legs flailing wildly. Roxanne felt her blush fading as she watched him struggle to untangle himself. How did he manage to look ridiculous when she was the one in the awkward situation? He finally emerged, still that same fuchsia color, and stumbled clumsily back to the monitor. Roxanne watched him, one eyebrow raised.

What kind of villain passes up a prime opportunity to mortify and humiliate a victim? A bad one.

'Or,' she mused, thinking of his blushing face and those wide green eyes, 'a totally innocent adorable one.'

Wait.

Adorable?

Conclusion: Unimpressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping #26<p>

Roxanne sniffled as she made her way across the parking lot. It was early, not quite six yet. She had rolled out of bed with a head as stuffy as a newly made teddy bear. Unwilling to miss a day of work, Roxanne had clumsily dressed and was now fumbling with her keys. Just as she reached her car, she dropped them with a loud jangle. Cursing softly, she gingerly bent down to pick them up. A loud footstep and a metallic clink later, she was unconscious.

There was something weird about the way she was positioned. What was it? …Why wasn't she bound? And why did it seem like she was horizontal? Why was the chair so big? And plush? Groggily, she managed to open one eye and made out two figures speaking above her.

"Why didn't our surveillance reveal her health was poor? Which brainbot was assigned to reconnaissance?"

"I believe it was Brainbot 3482817AX, sir. The one we call Spartan."

"Put him on alligator duty for the next week." There was a sharp electric whine. "Silence. You have been a bad boy, a very bad boy indeed."

Roxanne slowly became aware of her situation. She appeared to be lying on a black leather couch, comfortable and clean. From the weight she felt on her, she appeared to have been tucked in and her head was supported by a soft pillow. She blinked, shifted, opened her mouth… and sneezed impressively. The two villains jumped, surprised, then immediately faced her. Sheepishly, she managed a soft "Hey."

"Ollo." Came the soft response. Megamind slowly knelt down until they were at eye level. "Did you know that you appear to have been infected with nasopharyngitis also known as an acute coryza?"

Roxanne looked at him, confused and a little afraid. Above him, Minion took one look at her face and added, "He says you have a cold."

"Y-Yes. I have a cold. Not that naso-whazit cryoza thingy."

"Nasopharyngitis and acute coryza." Megamind corrected automatically. Roxanne, a little out of it, suddenly grinned hugely.

"That's the first time you ever got to correct _my_ pronunciation. That's funny. You're being funny. Both of you are-what are you-"

Megamind had lain one long cool hand on her forehead, staring down at her. She knew she should recoil, protest, something, but that hand felt so good…

"101.8," muttered Megamind. Roxanne seemed not to hear him, merely sighed contentedly under his cool touch and closed her eyes. He looked at her, concern and affection battling it out on his expressive countenance. "You need medication."

"No meds." She mumbled. "Makes me drowsy. Loopy…" She felt rather than saw his amused smile, then his hand was stroking her sweaty bangs off her forehead.

"You sound out of it anyway."

"Your mom sounds…wait, what?"

She heard him let out a soft laugh at her childishness, a soft low purring sound that seemed to nuzzle into her heart like a kitten. She opened her eyes to see…and yes, his face was relaxed, calm, focused. Unlike his villianous laugh, this laugh was genuine. She smiled, a little foolishly, back at him. Minion approached, carrying a cup of water and some small white capsules.

"Take these." He helped her sit up, and handed her the pills and cup. She looked skeptically at the white unmarked pills.

"What exactly are these anyway?" She looked up at him, looking straight into those green jewels.

"I made them. The medicine is a mixture of various antihistamines, analgesics and antipyretics. All of them are completely safe and will aid in the healing process. Trust me."

Trust him. _Trust him?_ Trust Megamind, evil kidnapping alien. Trust the guy who sprays unsuspecting victims with knockout gas, the guy who seems to live in a world of hard rock and fetishes, the guy who routinely uses nuclear weapons and heavy artillery with little regard to his surroundings.

Trust him?

Really?

Ok.

Roxanne popped the pills in her mouth, swallowing the water almost defiantly. Her eyes held his in a steely gaze, daring him to comment on her apparent compliance. He didn't; just took the empty cup and handed them to Minion. She lay back down on the sofa, still looking at those eyes. She could feel her limbs growing heavy, sleepiness crept through her body. Megamind placed his hand, those long cool fingers back on her forehead.

"Sleep now. Good night."

When she woke up, it was nighttime. She sat up slowly, confused. Looking around, she discovered that she was back in her apartment. Next to her, on the nightstand, was a note. She read the elegant script and smiled.

_Told you to trust me, didn't I? I am a genius you know, fully capable of making medication without the "loopy" side effect. Rest, drink fluids, don't work. How does kidnapping you accomplish anything if you are unable to be alert enough to be impressed by my brilliant accomplishments? Farewell. Same time next week._

How is he supposed to impress her, huh? Less than twenty-four hours later, she was back to normal. Ok. She could give him that one.

Conclusion: Impressed

* * *

><p>AN: So, I have finally updated. I know it is REALLY short, but listen. I actually began this chapter around Thanksgiving, but went down to Florida for work over the break and promptly sank back into the role I fulfill best: Mistress of Procrastination. I only wrote this part now because I have a few days before school begins again and I take the oh-so-exciting class; Aristotle. Among others. Anyway, if you couldn't tell by now, I am sick. Not quite Roxanne sick, but loopy, sneezles, sniffles, ugh sick. So I thought I could just throw a quick chapter together. Hopefully it came out well. Let me know.

P.S. I HATE being sick.

P.P.S. As always, if you have any ideas or suggestions, let me know PLEASE! Love you all.

TTYL


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I know, I know! I'm sorry! But hear me out. I know I completely disappeared, but my class schedule was really hard, (remember how I mentioned Aristotle? There was also Latin, Linguistics and Business Spanish mixed in there) and academics come first. I actually drafted the first part of the first kidnapping in this chapter while working at Disney World over spring break, so know that I didn't forget you. Anyway, like I always say, on with the show!

(The original disclaimer from April) Disclaimer: Megamind does not belong to me, but I did finally get the DVD! So I own that. I just do not own Megamind…Oh well.

New Disclaimer: This is the very sad tale, of an authoress who loves a blue male, and though she might pray, she can't steal him away, so all she can do is wail. I don't own Megamind.

IMPORTANT: Kidnapping #30 was partly (and mostly) inspired by a reviewer's suggestion. So, thanks for the suggestion Dreamsinger.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 30<p>

Roxanne opened her eyes and stifled a smile at the sight of Minion holding two steaming mugs of hot chocolate up with an expectant smile. She was already wearing…she supposed it could be called _her_ Snuggie, so she shook back the sleeves before taking the mug and wrapping her hands around it appreciatively. She blew on the drink to cool it off as Megamind "descended", his usual dramatic entrance somewhat hindered by the now familiar skull and crossbone patterned Snuggie. He accepted the other hot chocolate from Minion, and with a small grin held his mug to her in the classic "cheers" gesture. They clinked their mugs together in an oddly comfortable state of camaraderie. They drank deeply, then Megamind plopped himself in his wheeled chair and pushed himself over to her. He wiped the chocolate off his hand and pretended to consider licking it with a decidedly mischievous look at her. She snorted, and he grinned in response and rubbed his hand on his Snuggie to clean it. Suddenly, his whole arm recoiled violently. Roxanne saw a small spark of light and anticipated the blue alien's question.

"It's not magic. It's static electricity."

"Static electricity? Why did it attack me? I thought electricity usually only arced between two conductors." He looked at his arm sullenly then glanced at her, looking for all the world like a little child. So. Cute. She shook her head, realizing he was looking at her expectantly.

"It didn't attack you. It was probably because you rubbed your hand on the Snuggie too quickly. Snuggie fabric is a pretty good conductor, and sometimes the cold increases the chances of getting shocked."

"Does it happen often? How does it work?"

"I'm surprised you've never gotten shocked before. You can get shocked through friction, like if you do stuff like drag your feet when you walk, then you increase your chances of getting shocks. Also, you can get more easily shocked in an electrically stimulated place like-"

"Like the lair?" Megamind supplied. His eyes took on a faraway look. A slow smile formed on his face, giving him a decidedly puckish expression and Roxanne's heart skipped a beat as his eyes began to sparkle with mischief…

A short time later, after a bit of minor redecorating and the usual hero call and banter, Roxanne watched with a conspiratorial smile as Megamind peeked out from a crate near the wall across the room. He nodded towards Minion, and the fish turned on what looked like a cotton candy maker. A motor began humming and blue sparks could be seen within the inner hoop of the machine. Roxanne looked over at Megamind and met his eyes. He placed one long finger over his lips and Roxanne had to bite back a grin as she nodded back. He ducked back behind the crate and she and Minion nodded at each other.

Seconds later, Metroman's ornate white boots landed on the new carpeted floor of the lair. He searched for the villain but he didn't see any sign of him, and a noisy machine prevented him from hearing any tell-tale footsteps. His gaze settled on Roxanne, and he noticed that she seemed to be shaking with…relief? Fear? That was concerning. She was usually so collected and independent. Was he missing some-

Metroman suddenly let out a decidedly piercing shriek and leapt ten feet (literally, thanks to his powers) into the air. He landed unceremoniously on the floor and was immediately aware of two things. One: he was being laughed at. Two: that dashing forelock that usually hung oh-so-charmingly over his right eye seemed to have disappeared. Further exploration revealed that his impeccable hair was standing on end, adding several inches to his already impressive height. As he anxiously tried to flatten his hair, he put on his most intimidating look trying (and failing) to quell the mirth in the room.

Megamind was absolutely heaving with laughter, hysterically rolling on the floor and pounding his fist as he gasped for breath. Roxanne was giggling helplessly, her eyes shifting between Metroman's look of righteous indignation and Megamind's shaking form. Even Minion was chuckling discreetly, covering his bowl with a large robotic hand.

Abandoning his mission to fix his hair, Metroman gritted his teeth and lifted the hysterical Megamind up by the front of his Snuggie. Megamind burst out in laughter again at the sight of the crazy haired hero. At the sound of his laughter, Roxanne laughed even harder herself, gasping for breath.

"So…totally…worth-" He wheezed through his mirth. "Worth it!"

"Oh yeah? Well, villain, I- You…Just… Shut up!" Megamind laughed even harder, tears running down his cheeks as Metroman flushed in embarrassment and anger.

Metroman:0

Megamind:1

Conclusion: Impressed. HILARIOUS.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping #17<p>

"Behold! The Dog of Doom!"

"…is that a poodle?"

"N-NO! It is a Dog of Doom!"

"Your Dog of Doom…is a poodle?"

"No, it isn't!"

"…it's fluffy."

"It is not fluffy! It is…comfortable."

"It has a hair bow."

"That was Minion's idea. Besides, the Google showed that it is not uncommon for poodles to wear bows!" Megamind declared. Roxanne raised one eyebrow at him. Realizing what he had just said, he flushed hotly and sputtered.

"Well, ok, maybe it is a poodle. But poodles can be evil. And they even come in black." He pointed a finger at her triumphantly.

"So do kittens. So do ponies and gum drops and feather boas." Megamind faltered, then swung his finger to point at Minion.

"…Minion, why did you let me design my Dog of Doom like a poodle?"

Roxanne rolled her eyes.

Conclusion: Unimpressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 24<p>

"Miss Ritchi? Is there anything I can get for you?"

This was new. It wasn't normal for Minion to be the first thing she saw when she came to.

"Um, no thank you, Minion. Where's the boss?"

"Oh, sir? He has not arrived yet. He said he wanted to try a new breakout technique, and mentioned that he might take a ride before heading to the lair."

"A ride?" Roxanne looked to the vehicle area of the lair, seeing the visible invisible car and the large hoverbike. "How?"

Before Minion could answer, they became aware of a mechanical rumbling approaching the lair. With a loud roar, Megamind barreled in, riding a black Harley. He expertly navigated around the large machines that filled the room, his orange jumpsuit unzipped to the waist. He was wearing a white sleeveless shirt, and his blue arms and hands were a stark contrast to the jet black bike. Unlike the hoverbike, the motorcycle was a sleek machine, as black as a panther but shining like chrome. He made a turn and headed towards the open space where the vehicles were parked, his orange knees mere inches off the ground. He drove in a few circles for the fun of it, his lithe blue form moving in perfect harmony with the machine to the point that he looked like one with the bike, a sensual combination of speed, grace and motion. He reared up and drove backwards on one wheel neatly in between the parked vehicles and, with one last roar of the engine, turned off the bike. Immediately, nearly a dozen brainbots appeared, carrying a circle of curtains for Megamind to change. Two bots whirred their way in to help him as Megamind began speaking.

"Ah, Minion! That was…cathartic." His voice was breathless and euphoric. "Remind me that I need to make some adjustments to the bike. I almost failed to drive on the railing of the bridge." Megamind emerged from the cloth, adjusting his color with a practiced swipe of his hand.

"Of course, Sir. Um, sir, the plan?"

"The plan?" Megamind turned his exhilarated eyes towards Roxanne, slowly adopting the usual "evil genius" expression. As the usual banter began, Roxanne couldn't help but think with admiration about his graceful form flying in perfect harmony with the black machine. It was actually kind of…impressive.

Conclusion: Impressed.

* * *

><p>AN:…Don't kill me. I know, I know, I know! I am so sorry, but I warned you about my procrastination… I think I did at least. I actually had written the general outline of this chapter weeks ago, but it did take a long time to get it all typed up and pretty. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always, I need suggestions for possible kidnapping events. Send in reviews and include your suggestions. Hopefully I will be able to get a new chapter up, but any suggestions would probably help. Thanks for not abandoning me, you guys!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey everybody! I'm back!

Ok, Update Time! I am in my final year in college, finishing up my degree in English Literature. I have a thesis paper that will be due in the spring, which involves tons of research and time and discipline. Ha.

Unlike last semester, when I was taking three languages, an art course and an upper level philosophy course, the only "language" I will be learning this semester is the language of music. So, my brain shall be less muddled.

The point is, that due to the fact that I have less on my plate this year, I should be able to update more frequently than I have been. I don't even know if all my old reviewers are still interested in this story…it has been neglected of late.

If any of you are still out there, I'm sorry for the wait! Thanks for bearing with me, I love you all! Now wish me luck, this is a new laptop and I'm not used to the keyboard yet…-deep breath- here we go!

Disclaimer: Megamind owns me, but I do not own him. Life is unfair, ain't it?

* * *

><p>Kidnapping #21<p>

The first thing that Roxanne noticed was that Minion was staring at her with a decidedly angry expression. The second thing that she noticed was that Megamind was across the room from her surrounded by his brainbots and various odds and ends, next to a blank whiteboard instead of looming over her in the usual show of dramatic bravado. The silence of the room was broken only by the whirring and beeping of various doodads and gizmos that she had always suspected were only for show. After a few moments of this odd silence, Roxanne opened her mouth to goad the blue man into the usual banter. As expected, she was interrupted before she could manage a single insult. Unexpectedly, this interruption came, not from the villain across the room, but from Minion.

"Not a word, Miss Ritchi. Not one word." His normally polite cheery voice was clipped, short and oddly authoritative. Startled, Roxanne shut her mouth and looked up at the aquatic henchman. He was regarding her with a distinctly furious and accusatory stare that would have subdued her even if it came from a normally confrontational person. But this was Minion, happy, obliging, apologetic Minion, and Minion did not do confrontation.

Roxanne averted her eyes from his expression, turning her attention instead to the corner where Megamind had apparently set up shop some fifty feet away on the other side of the lair. He was ignorant of their exchange, which was odd because Megamind had always had a disconcerting talent for noticing and observing every look, mutter or whisper no matter how subtle or quiet said action may be. Megamind was sitting ramrod straight in his high-backed chair, staring at some point over Minion's shoulder. In comparison to his motionless face and body, his hands were a blur of activity. His long fingers were manipulating and combining gears, several stiff metal wires and a thin tube of metal piping with practiced ease. His eyes, those intense green eyes, were steady but unfocused. He seemed oblivious to her stare, which was troubling as he normally preened and basked in attention like a teenaged beach bunny lying out in Malibu.

With a solid clicking sound, Megamind slid a final gear into place and suddenly the jumble of junk stopped being a mish-mash of metal and became what was obviously meant to be a dragonfly, the tube being the body and the multiple thin wires forming the wings. With a graceful twist of his fingers, Megamind turned two protruding gears on top of the body of the insect. Immediately, the metal pipes began fluttering like wings and the entire gadget lifted out of his hands and floated away, followed by one of the brainbots who batted at it like a playful kitten.

Without a single look of pride, Megamind rose from the chair silently and turned to the white board. Two brainbots immediately flanked him, the one on the right uncapping a blue marker. Taking it, Megamind began writing out a long insanely complex formula that included letters, diagrams, charts, Greek symbols, and figures that resembled some strange alien language. In seconds, half of the board was filled. Holding out his left hand, the other brainbot handed him a black marker. Then his _left_ hand began to move, solving the formula nearly as quickly as the right hand could write it, correcting and substituting values with black marks while the blue marker continued to fly across the board. As soon as the board was filled, the brainbots flipped it over and he began to fill the blank side with more figures. Silently, the brainbots wheeled another board close by, obviously ready for when their master ran out of space. Throughout it all, Megamind's expression remained the same, undisturbed, distant and blank.

Roxanne gaped at him for a few seconds more, before turning her attention back to Minion, who was observing Megamind with a complicated expression on his face.

"What's wrong with him?" Roxanne asked. She cringed under the intensity of his focus as he turned to her.

"You should know, right Miss Ritchi? After all, aren't you the expert? How did you say it? Oh, I remember!" Minion's voice became higher pitched, mocking and derisive, "Megamind is nothing but an insecure drama queen whose actions are just a desperate attempt to get attention which is proof that he is nothing more than a misguided, laughable excuse of a villain and should be put into time out like the spoiled little brat that he is, as you so delicately phrased it."

Roxanne's face paled in understanding before breaking out into a violent blush that burned two red spots in her cheeks. A few days ago she had given an interview at the request of her boss after her twentieth kidnapping. The reporter interviewing her was a young woman who obviously thought that Roxanne was the most tragic heroine she had ever seen. After being asked how she handled being around such a dangerous and nefarious villain, she had laughed and said that exact phrase.

There was some truth in her words, she knew. He definitely was a drama queen, craving and demanding nothing but the utmost attention of others. Everything was a performance; his appearance and delivery meticulously rehearsed. If anything got in the way of his 'presentation' he would throw a hissy fit, clutching dramatically at his cloak and stamping his booted foot childishly. He also was prone to exaggerating his movements and diction, but only when he was conscious of being 'on air'. Everything about him was contrived and formulaic in order to best fill his role as villain.

Roxanne hadn't thought about how her answer would sound. It wasn't that Megamind was some lame Saturday morning cartoon character who deserved ridicule. He was a talented individual, capable of great and impressive deeds. His comprehension and knowledge was staggering, and the sheer genius of his mind left her speechless. It wasn't that she thought Megamind was stupid or ridiculous. She just thought that he acted ridiculous whenever in 'villain' mode. Looking back at the blue figure, who had just finished his sixth board and had suddenly dropped into his chair and propelled himself over to a large monitor, fingers flying over a keyboard.

"I didn't mean…" she began, but Minion cut her off.

"Forget it, Miss Ritchi." Minion sighed. His face took on a grim look of acceptance and his voice became subdued. He continued, under his breath as if thinking out loud.

"I had hoped that bringing her here, recreating the normal situation would help, but no such luck. I thought that he would have caved by now, but no matter. Soon he'll pass out from the lack of sustenance and sleep. He should wake up next week right as rain. Hippocrates!" At his summons, a sleek brainbot attended to him.

"Prepare the nutrition and saline drips. Stand by for medical situation 27274, Code 'Crash'. Send orders to Papyrus and Scribe, who are still assisting Sir with his work to record his findings before erasing them. He does always solve some huge conundrum when he writes like that. Proceed with orders."

As the brainbot whirred away, Roxanne was still reeling from the implications of what Minion had just said. Medical situation and nutrition drips and Code Crash and all this because she had been tactless and cruel in her assessment of Megamind. Looking up at the concentrating Minion, Roxanne made a decision.

"Minion, I'll fix it." He looked at her, taking in her set jaw and steady gaze. He nodded once, not in the usual friendly way, but in a somber and short manner that plainly showed his disapproval. She got the message. It was her fault, so she had better fix it. With one last look at the thin figure across the room (was he normally that pale?) Roxanne was aware of the familiar spray of gas and then all was dark.

The next day, the newsroom was shocked to see an obviously distraught Roxanne stumbling into the news room. Sensing a story, her boss sent a spare camera and the same young reporter to get the scoop. That night, the big story was about how Roxanne had barely escaped from the dastardly villain that she had just denounced as harmless. She had discovered that his ridiculous behavior had been a ruse to lull her into a false sense of security. She had decided to confront the villain in his lair and mock his existence when she had stumbled onto a plot so complex and evil that she was unable to even begin to describe it, only saying she had learned that Megamind was a major player in the black market, skilled in terrorism, subterfuge and death. She had been wrong to say that Megamind was harmless. She was really, really wrong.

When she was kidnapped a week later, Roxanne explained that the relief that she had on her face was merely due to the fact that she knew Metroman would be there soon. It had absolutely nothing to do with the hyper cerulean man with lively green eyes who impressively displayed an intricate satellite ray that had the ability to encode or decode the most complex of radio chatter for his own personal use, far exceeding that which any intelligence agency in the world could even imagine. Nope, the relief had nothing to do with any of that.

Conclusion: Impressed (and guiltily proud of it)

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 48<p>

Roxanne's head was pounding. She recognized it as the residual effect of the forget-me-stick, the alternative to the knockout gas. Whenever they ran out of the aerosol, which was admittedly rare, they would bang the stick like whack-a-mole over her head and leave her dizzy and aching for hours, if not days. When the world finally stopped spinning, she took in her surroundings.

She was in the usual position, tied to a chair above the dancing alligators and facing the ranting villain who was communicating with Metro Man over the monitors. To her left was Minion, who was eyeing the area behind her, with obvious apprehension. She twisted her head to follow his eyes and bit back an embarrassing yelp. Propped up against a metal rack were what looked like four long missiles, long gray cylinders with sleek tail fins and pointed tips. A fifth missile was loaded into a launch gun, pointed directly at her.

"-or your precious Metrocity will be destroyed! Come and find me, if you dare!" With a dark chuckle, and the push of a button, Metro Man's concerned face flickered off the monitor. Ignoring his captive, Megamind glanced over at Minion, who was still regarding the missile with trepidation.

"_Minion_! Stop staring at the Miss-isles. Code: prepare the M.M. Killer Laser gun." At his command, Minion leapt into action. He turned and grabbed some new gizmo gun from the table behind him and handed it to his boss carefully. Megamind cocked what must be some kind of safety, and slid his finger onto the trigger. Holding the gun towards the ceiling, Megamind turned back to the monitors. Just as Roxanne snuck another look at the missiles behind her, she noticed the doors of the lair slide open with a nearly silent hiss. Suddenly, Metroman was there, untying her with his super-speed. The ropes fell to the floor with a slight tap. Megamind spun around so quickly that she almost thought he possessed superpowers as well. His eyes widened as he noticed the slack rope uselessly curling on the floor, then narrowed angrily at the sight of the hero behind her.

"You'll pay for this!" He bellowed, and without pausing he fired at their direction. Metro Man glanced behind him for one nanosecond, then threw himself over Roxanne, shielding her with his body. Megamind barely managed to leap for cover behind his monitor as his shot hit the wall then rebounded towards the rack of missiles behind his enemy.

-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-

Roxanne couldn't even scream as she felt Wayne's body shaking with the force of the explosion. The noise was unbelievable, a combination of a sonic boom, a rock concert, and a thousand screaming teenagers watching a terrifying movie. Finally, Wayne loosened his grip on her and she knew it was over. There seemed to be something wrong with her eyes; everything looked a little blurry. There was a piercing ringing in her ears, tortuous to her already aching head. Unable to hear anything but that high pitched buzz, Roxanne was able to make out what was happening despite her impacted eyesight.

Metroman picked up the furious villain whose anger superseded his disbelief in the condition of his lab. Nearly everything was burned, charred, destroyed or in some other way ruined. Minion was still spinning in his bowl, eyes grimly shut and jaw clenched.

Like watching a movie with no volume, Roxanne watched as Metroman grabbed the villain by the collar and mouthed 'I'll be right back' in her direction. Megamind was still ranting as he was lifted out of the now non-existent roof, and Roxanne could only breathe a sigh of relief at the close call. What was that damn idiot trying to accomplish by shooting at loaded missiles? He did realize that he could have died along with them, right? Shivering with a combination of shock, pain, anger and fear, Roxanne hugged herself tightly and shut her eyes. That wasn't impressive. That was terrifying and senseless.

Conclusion: Unimpressed and scared

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 23<p>

Roxanne woke up, untied and blindfolded. She was still in the invisible car, sitting in the front seat. She waited to hear the usual greeting and assess the situation, but was instead surprised when she heard a mechanical sounding voice instead.

"Can I take your order?"

"Yes, I would like a double bacon burger combo with no pickles, one large strawberry shake, one large chocolate shake, a kid's chicken tenders combo without mayo, a twelve count chicken nugget meal, and… hold on a minute…" Minion stopped talking, and turned to Roxanne, though she didn't see it.

"Miss Ritchi, would you like anything?"

"Um, wha-?"

"Make that two nugget meals, please."

"The total will be twenty-eight dollars and ninety four cents. Please pull forward."

"Thank you!" Minion chirped, and Roxanne felt the car move.

"Minion, are we at a drive-through?"

"Yup! I realized after I picked you up that I had neglected to make sure that Sir had lunch. So, I thought that I should make a quick pit stop."

"Ah, of course." Roxanne nodded in agreement, confused and amused. When they pulled up to the window, Roxanne grinned as she heard the loud gasp that Minion often invoked in civilians. Conversing politely, he exchanged the money for the food, and they were moving again.

The smell of food wafted through the car, and they had a pleasant conversation as they drove to the lair. When they arrived, Minion opened the door for her and led her to her usual chair before taking the blindfold off. He carried a table over and began pulling out the food.

"Sir, lunchtime. You need sustenance such as any organic being needs refueling!" Noticing her quirked eyebrow, Minion whispered, "If I don't say it like that he refuses to see any point in stopping his work."

Roxanne nodded in understanding as Megamind propelled himself in on a rolling chair, still scanning some sort of report. Roxanne was amused to see that he deftly avoided various machines, obstacles and debris while moving backwards in his chair and still reading. Finally, he kicked off one final time, spinning as he did so and landing with his elbows perfectly placed on the table, still scanning his report intently.

"No elbows on the table!" sang Minion, himself not looking up from where he was over by the car gathering up the food and drinks. Obviously, this was an absolutely standard procedure for the two of them.

"No reading when we are entertaining, either." Entertaining, kidnapping, same difference, Roxanne thought, hiding a smile as she was handed the extra box of nuggets.

Minion unwrapped his burger, and she watched with interest as he held it up above his bowl and leapt out of the water to bite. Meanwhile, Megamind had neatly placed the report down before grabbing excitedly at the kid's meal box. He opened it and began unpacking the food with glee. Suddenly he stiffened, and his head shot up and stared at Minion across the table. Roxanne and Minion both froze at the intensity of his gaze.

"They. Forgot." He ground out, staring at Minion meaningfully. Minion's eyes widened in horror and he immediately grabbed the keys. Megamind was already in the car, staring straight ahead and sitting ramrod straight.

"To the car, Miss Ritchi. Hurry, please." Minion flew to the car with Roxanne right behind him, startled. She jumped into the back seat and Minion blindfolded her again, quickly. Then they were driving, speeding really, and Roxanne wondered at the stony silence that filled the car.

When the car stopped, Minion helped her out of the car and untied the blindfold. Roxanne saw Megamind, holding his de-gun at the ready, already walking into the fast food restaurant.

"Oh, no." Minion pulled Roxanne along and they entered just in time to see Megamind reach over the register and lift, _actually lift_, the terrified cashier over the counter.

"You." Megamind's eyes were narrowed, and they could only watch helplessly as the boy gulped.

"D-did I do s-something wrong?"

"Wrong? No, nothing's wrong." Megamind's voice was steady, but then his grip tightened and his voice turned into a raging bellow and everyone in the room shook with fear.

"NOTHING IS WRONG EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THERE WAS NO DAMN TOY IN THE DAMN KID'S MEAL!"

Seriously?

Roxanne could only watch as Minion soothed his boss, explaining quietly to the boy who was regarding Minion with something akin to worship despite having nearly cried earlier at the sight of him driving up to his window. Moments later, Megamind was happily playing with the five toys that they had received from the terrified cashier, Minion was driving, and Roxanne was sitting, blindfolded, in disbelief as they made their way back to the lair. Really now, come on.

Conclusion: Unimpressed.

* * *

><p>AN: There you have it, the next chapter of Impressions! Hope you liked them! This was a pretty long chapter to make up for the lack of an update, so please forgive me! :-) As always, if you have any suggestions or comments, please review! I love you all!

TTYL!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Salutations fellow bibliophiles! OMG, remember how I said this semester should be easier than last semester? Yeah, kind of lied. Almost every single class I have this semester requires multiple essays and papers, and oddly enough the easiest papers are the ones for my English courses. Who would have thought I would be writing nearly twenty pages a month for art history classes? Anyway, I just finished a portion of my thesis, so that is going well. I mean, if you count having ten pages of a fifty page paper that is due in May 'well', then yeah, it's going well. Also, I have kind of been trapped by the HP fandom… I have become rather Dramione obsessed. Fanfiction is seriously detrimental to my brain. However, as it is November, the unofficial writing month, I have gotten into the whole writing spirit. I have written about five pages of a random collection of short stories, and about ten pages (single-spaced, no less!) of a Dramione oneshot that I am actually pretty proud of. So, I only thought it fair to update Impressions as well…that and felt guilty for my ADD when it comes to writing stories and my brother wanted an update. Thanks for all your patience with me!

A quick note: I realized that I have been inconsistent with Wayne's name, calling him both Metro Man and Metroman. Do you all have a preference, or do you not care? I'm just wondering, because I like to maintain consistency. Let me know.

Also, I am so psyched that new people are reviewing and reading my story! I was so honored when I received a review literally minutes after the new chapter was posted, and that you all were amused by the scenarios. I'm glad that I made you guys laugh… YAY humor!

Don't forget, if you have any good ideas about possible kidnapping scenarios, I would LOVE to hear them! Actually two of these kidnappings was inspired by ideas from reviewers: KraZiiePyrozHavemoreFun, from her review for chapter five and Qirellen, from her review way back for chapter four. Thanks for your suggestions! I love them all!

Disclaimer: Does anyone even read my disclaimers? I usually try to be witty, but maybe there is no point. Let me know. Hal's in denial, Minion is rad, I don't own Megamind, and that makes me sad.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 6<p>

Roxanne finished brushing blush on her cheeks and sipped her coffee before she picked up a tube of pink lipstick. It was fairly early in the morning and she technically wouldn't be on camera for another hour or so. Usually makeup check happened thirty minutes to air, however, Roxanne liked to do her own makeup, preferring the silent process to the gossip and chatter of the professional stylists.

So, Roxanne had retired to her dressing room and leisurely began applying her makeup. She turned on some music and hummed along quietly as she rolled her lips to even out the color. The next song was one of her favorites, and she turned up the volume as she applied eye shadow to her eyelids. Finishing that, she sharpened her kohl eye pencil and slowly and carefully began to outline her eyes with a steady hand.

She was so into the music, and so focused on keeping her hand steady, that she completely missed the doorknob turning slowly. The door silently opened, and a stealthy figure slipped in. Roxanne was unaware of her visitor as she went back over the drawn line, wanting her eyes to really pop. Finally content with the first eye, Roxanne was just about to start on the other eye when she caught sight of movement behind her in the mirror. She whipped around in a flash, and found herself eye to eye with the infamous villain, Megamind. He approached silently, and she noted that he wasn't wearing the usual glam rocker boots. Apparently he was going for subtlety this time around.

Though this was not the first time that Roxanne had been confronted by the caped criminal, she still found herself struck dumb by his presence. It wasn't that he was frightening, and she knew for a fact he didn't intend to hurt her. He was just so… strange.

Right now, he was staring at her with those incredible green eyes of his. For a few seconds she held his gaze, but those eyes were just so intense… she turned to her music player and turned it off, and silence filled the room. Megamind broke the silence, but shocked her even more when he failed to do his usual dramatic introduction.

"What type of decoration is that?" He asked inquisitively, pointing at the pencil she still held in her hand. Roxanne blinked once, and followed his gaze. She held up the makeup, and vaguely noticed that he was staring at the simple utensil with a look of extreme interest.

"It's eyeliner," she finally said, and he held out one gloved hand. Hesitantly, she dropped the pencil into his hand and he studied it in fascination.

"What is it used for? Is it toxic? Is it a reporter thing? Do you only put it on one eye, or both? Is it why one of your eyes looks more dramatic?"

"It's used to add decoration, I guess. It's not toxic, but you shouldn't eat it. Reporters aren't the only ones who use eyeliner; people use it to make their features stand out. You usually put it on both eyes, to draw attention to your face and highlight your features. You just interrupted me; I was about to do the other side." Roxanne answered, collecting herself enough to begin to feel faintly amused by how this whole interaction was playing out.

Megamind nodded thoughtfully, then resolutely handed Roxanne the eyeliner back. He sat down decidedly on the couch that lined the far wall of the small room. She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, and he huffed impatiently.

"Continue, Miss Ritchi. Presentation is always important, that is something I understand fully. Besides, I wish to see how this liner works." He gestured magnanimously, and she cautiously turned her back on the villain and sat in her chair to continue applying her makeup. There was something about the seriousness in his voice that compelled her to do as he said. It wasn't that he was threatening her; he was merely extending what he considered to be a professional courtesy from one public figure to another. She finished the other eye, and smoothed out the line, comparing both sides to insure there was no unevenness. She stood to face Megamind, and he approached her.

Megamind studied her eyes, one finger placed on his cheek considering her appearance. Although she was never one to feel uneasy under scrutiny, he was so obvious in his inspection that she felt a little discomfited. He was literally studying her eyes, assessing the makeup and the overall effect it caused. Roxanne was glad she had gotten so good at applying cosmetics. She was startled out of her thoughts when Megamind clapped his hands together decisively.

"I like it. It looks good." He decided, nodding resolutely. Roxanne struggled not to blush, feeling oddly flattered. Metroman always complimented people; it was part of his whole image to seem pleasant and charming. But Megamind had none of Metroman's obligations. He could afford to be honest, and he took full advantage of this ability. To hear approval from him made her feel vaguely proud, because she knew he meant it. He was obviously unembarrassed by his blatant compliment, which helped to soothe Roxanne's flustered emotions.

"Do men wear eyeliner?" He asked, and she was struck by just how naïve the genius truly was.

"Some men do…but it is considered a bit feminine. You have to be confident in order to pull it off." She looked at him, and suddenly smiled.

"Do you feel confident today, Megamind?" It was the first time she had ever said his name without fear or anger, and he blinked once in surprise. Then he grinned at her widely, eyes sparkling, and she felt her heart flutter a little.

"Is that a challenge, Miss Ritchi?" Megamind asked, and sat down in her chair. Roxanne couldn't help but give him an answering grin and handed him the eye pencil. The tip of his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth, and Megamind got to work, with Roxanne offering advice beside him.

When Metroman got the call about the brunette reporter, he set his jaw resolutely. He flew up into the air and headed towards the harbor area, using all of his senses to try and pinpoint where his archenemy was hiding. With a victorious exclamation, he made out a flashing beam of light coming from one of the many abandoned warehouses by the water. He crashed through the roof, and posed dramatically, just like a scene in a superhero movie. However, the sight that confronted him made him freeze as though someone had put the film on pause.

That reporter (whatshername… Roxanne, right), was there, but she wasn't unconscious or in any apparent distress. She was sitting very calmly in a chair, hands tied in front of her as she drank from the coffee mug he had seen her use during interviews. Sitting beside her was that robotic fish creature, also sitting calmly. They were facing the villain, who had obviously been in the middle of explaining something to them. At his sudden arrival, they had all turned to face him. Both the reporter and the henchman froze, looking uneasily between the two rivals.

"Hello, Wayne!" said Megamind cheerfully, making Minion and Roxanne stare at him in disbelief.

"Uh, hey." Metroman responded uncertainly, still posing. Roxanne met his eyes and mouthed 'Wayne?' at him, and he shrugged noncommittally. Relaxing the slightest bit, he took a closer look at his archenemy and ex-classmate. He was smiling at him, a polite smile, but a smile, nevertheless. His eyes, which were one of the few characteristics of the blue man that Wayne felt jealous of, were more prominent than ever.

"Discovered eyeliner, eh?" He asked dumbly. Megamind nodded, and smiled again, this time at everyone. He clapped his hands together once again, and stood up. Roxanne realized that this was what he did when he came to a decision about something.

"Well, that was fun. Shall we get this show on the road? Metroman, would you mind allowing me a moment to get everything set up? Say two and a half minutes? Then we can go through the proper channels and all that, yes?"

Completely confused and totally at a loss, Metroman could only nod and flew back through the ceiling. As Megamind turned to ready his latest invention, Roxanne called out to him, gathering up the courage to address the blue genius.

"Um, Megamind, may I see my bag for a second?" Surprisingly, he obliged and watched as her tied hands searched for something. Finding it, she held it out to him. "Keep it. I'll buy a new one."

Once again he grinned that endearing grin and once again her heart skipped a beat. He took the eyeliner from her, and handed it to a nearby brainbot. His eyes, made even more spectacular by the kohl outline, shined as he bowed to her.

"I thank you Miss Ritchi. Shall we?"

"Let's."

Roxanne knew that he was still dangerous. She knew his presence would only bring chaos and destruction into her life. But, for the first time, Roxanne felt impressed by Megamind for something other than his evil schemes and devious wit. There was someone else behind the villain Megamind, someone who knew Metro Man's true identity, who could sneak in as efficiently as any professional trained operative, someone who realized that this whole situation was as clichéd as she did. Roxanne felt her natural curiosity stirring. Perhaps Megamind was even more interesting than she thought… plus, she had always had a thing for men who wore guyliner.

Conclusion: Impressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 107<p>

This had to have been one of the quickest kidnappings Roxanne had experienced yet. Apparently, Metroman had been patrolling the city and spotted Roxanne being kidnapped from downtown. Not long after the kidnapping bag had obstructed her vision, Metroman had intercepted the car and snatched up Megamind. Roxanne felt a gust of wind that told her that Metroman had just hauled the villain away. Minion began helping Roxanne untie herself and had just gone to remove the burlap bag when Metroman returned righteously, forcing Minion to flee apologetically. Roxanne felt herself lifted up into the air and was surprised to find herself grateful for the bag, which obstructed the wind caused by Metroman's flying that usually left her with a hairdo that resembled a porcupine.

"There we go, Roxie." Wayne landed on her balcony and set her on her feet. She took of the bag and offered him a coffee. Together, they entered her apartment and she began to brew their drinks, as they chatted about the weather and upcoming election. As the fragrant smell began to fill her apartment, she regarded the bag she still held thoughtfully. Pursing her lips, she headed over towards the large closet where her hamper and laundry machine was and added it to her laundry pile. Metroman narrowed his eyes as the infamous burlap sack was dropped in the washing machine along with her shirts and pajamas. He looked at her face, but she gave no indication that she felt any trepidation about handling what many considered to be a symbol of the blue kidnapper. At the look of utter unconcern on her face, Wayne felt a sudden flash of concern for his friend.

"Did he…do anything Roxie?" She knew what he meant, and was quick to set him straight, adding the detergent to the machine and shutting the lid to start the process.

"Of course not, Wayne. I don't think he has ever considered doing something horrible like _that_." The thought of Megamind forcing himself on her was laughable. Sure, he was passionate and impulsive, but he was so easily embarrassed and innocent that she thought he might pass out at the very idea of such an invasive and offensive act. The few times she had made something he said or did sound sexual, he immediately turned into a stammering mush of embarrassment that was both entertaining and adorable. Minion, too, would never permit such a thing either. In fact, the very thought of either one of them forcing themselves on her made her laugh out loud. At her laughter, Metroman shook his head as if to say she was too naïve for her own good.

Knowing he was about to press the issue, Roxanne excused herself to the kitchen to get the coffee. This wasn't the first time Metroman had asked this type of question, though it hadn't been brought up in a while. She began loading a tray with mugs, sweetener and creamer. Roxanne knew it would be nearly impossible to convince Metroman that Megamind was anything but a low-life mastermind whose evil knew few limits; a lifetime of rivalry and bad blood between the two aliens hindered his judgment. However, Roxanne kind of liked it this way.

She liked knowing that Megamind was more than just some criminal caped creep. The knowledge that she was one of the only living creatures on the planet who was allowed to get a behind-the-scene look at Megamind was a pleasant and gratifying thought. Besides Minion, she was probably the only one who knew that his villainous nature was mostly for the sake of the public. In private, he was still immoral and mischievous, but it wasn't like he was despicably heinous and evil. He wasn't imperious or tyrannical off-camera, explaining his actions and motivations instead of merely demanding blind obedience. He was attentive, tying her hands as loosely as possible and guiding her around the lair with gentle and constant consideration. He was impulsive and changeable, but he tended to impulsively create rather than impulsively destroy. Some of his most impressive and useful inventions where actually the product of a sudden impulse; whipped up in response to some spontaneous thought. Roxanne had very slowly come to know this side of Megamind, having discovered these traits during kidnappings that went astray. Megamind was an accomplished performer and the only Megamind that existed for the public was the evil criminal mastermind with the psychotic tendencies. Roxanne knew that he was more than a heartless and dangerous criminal; he was someone who was loyal and concerned, someone who liked marshmallows in hot chocolate, someone who could develop a cure for the common cold. And she liked having this knowledge, she thought, as she walked back in with the tray.

"Here you go," Roxanne smiled, refusing to remain on the subject anymore. Wayne accepted the mug and sat at the table with his back facing the balcony, recognizing the steely geniality in his friend's tone with a rueful grin. They sat together as the laundry continued to rattle away in the machine, and Wayne began telling Roxanne about a new policy that was being debated at City Hall. Soon the conversation turned to other topics, and they laughed and gossiped like the good friends they were. With his superfast metabolism, Wayne was often peckish, so when she got up to put her laundry into the dryer she brought back a refill and a coffee cake left over from an office party. It was nice, sitting with a friend (even a ridiculously heroic friend like Wayne) on a nice Saturday. They continued to talk for about an hour, slowly demolishing the cake and drinking coffee unhurriedly. Their conversation continued as Roxanne unloaded the dryer and folded the clothes, including the bag. About two hours had passed before Metroman brought up Megamind again.

"I just want you to remember to be on guard around him, Roxie."

"Wayne, trust me, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

"I trust you, Roxie. I just don't trust him."

"Well, if you really trust me, then trust that I know what I am talking about. Megamind may be clumsy and oblivious, but he wouldn't try to hurt me for no reason. He's pretty respectful. "

"Yes he would! Megamind isn't some civilized socialite, Roxanne. He doesn't _do_ respect."

Their conversation was interrupted by a faint whirring sound, almost like a distant airplane landing. Metroman groaned in irritation as Roxanne cut the conversation short again. Ignoring him, she walked over to the balcony to see what was going on. As she drew back the curtains, she couldn't help but smile. This was just _too_ perfect.

"Come in." She said, opening the door and standing aside. Metroman turned in confusion then froze in disbelief.

"Thank you, Miss Ritchi. I hope I am not intruding." Megamind stomped his feet a few times to avoid tracking any dirt accidently in her apartment, then entered. When he saw noticed his enemy, he stopped.

"Oh, you have company. I can come back later." Megamind offered, looking at Roxanne apologetically.

"No problem, it's fine. I suppose you came here for this?" Roxanne held out the newly laundered and folded kidnapping bag, internally shrieking with laughter at Wayne's disbelieving expression. Megamind nodded accepted the brown burlap.

"You washed it for us, Miss Ritchi? I thought Minion had washed it last laundry day… is it Monday already?"

"No, today is Saturday, don't worry. I just wanted to save you both the trouble."

"Well, thank you. Is there anything I can do in exchange?" The two of them walked back onto the balcony and Megamind stored the bag in a compartment on his hoverbike. Metroman continued to stare in disbelief.

"Can we not schedule anything on Tuesday? My mother is in town and I wanted to spend the day with her."

"Of course, we had already planned for that." Roxanne furrowed her brow as Megamind mounted the bike, pulling on some fingerless gloves. At her expression, he gave her a look that was both sheepish and mischevious.

"We put new wiretapping equipment in some of the brainbots, and tested it during that weekly call with your mother last week. We know you made plans at Gregorio's for seven. I was going to tell you earlier, but someone (here he nodded his head tersely at Metroman who had begun to glare at the mention of espionage) interrupted us. We made you a reservation in exchange for the invasion of privacy, but we really couldn't wait to test out the new equipment." He explained, giving her another sheepish smile. She smiled back helplessly, unable to stay angry at the excited genius.

"Anyway, sorry to intrude Miss Ritchi, but thank you again for the bag. See you in a few days." With that, and a friendly nod in Metroman's direction, Megamind was off. Roxanne closed the balcony door, and turned back to Wayne. His entire face was bright red and he sputtered in confusion and fury.

"What just, was that, did he…WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT, ROXANNE?!" At his booming shout, Roxanne wiggled a finger in her ear with a wince. She looked up at him with a cheeky smirk.

"Well Wayne, that was a respectful conversation between two acquaintances."

"RESPECTFUL, MY ASS!"

"Why, Mr. Wayne! I must say that I am most unimpressed by your attitude." At her casual remark, Wayne deflated completely and collapsed in the chair again, making the wood creak in protest. Roxanne looked out at the balcony and smiled. Now that was someone who had perfect timing.

Conclusion: Impressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 20<p>

Roxanne wasn't sure if she should laugh or cower. She settled for staring in disbelief at the sight in front of her. Megamind was jumping on a leather sofa, his cape flying up and down as he bounced in glee. He was surrounded by brainbots, and he was laughing as they beeped and whirred at him. With a flying leap, he landed on his favorite wheeled chair and begun to spin as fast as his legs would allow. Minion cleared his throat, trying to get his attention.

"Um, sir? Didn't we agree that we would stop with the caffeine intake?"

"YUP, JA, OUI, YEAH, UH-HUH, SURE DID!"

"Did you drink any coffee once I left to fetch Miss Ritchi?"

"NO, NO WAY, NUH UH, SURE DIDN'T, NEIN, NYET, NOPE!"

Roxanne stared as Megamind began to spin in the opposite direction, giggling madly. She looked around and noticed a small pile of familiar looking cans, and cleared her throat. Minion followed her gaze and gasped.

"SIR! Did you drink the entire pack of Red Bull?"

CERTAINLY, DEFINITIVELY, EXACTLY, INDEED,INDUBITABLY, NATURALLY,PRECISELY, SURELY,UNDENIABLY, UNDOUBTEDLY, UNQUESTIONABLY, YES, I DID!" Megamind shouted triumphantly as he stopped spinning. He looked almost green, and Roxanne couldn't believe he hadn't vomited yet. Minion slowly approached his boss, much like one would approach a wild animal.

"Sir, I think it's time to settle down now. We should begin the plan."

"NO! I DON'T WANT TO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! MUWAHAHAHA!" Megamind was off like a shot, screaming and flailing madly. Roxanne was put in mind of a toddler in the middle of a temper tantrum, trying to get attention. Her head began to ache, and she thought about all the paperwork she needed to fill out.

Roxanne watched as Megamind flitted around the lair wildly, alternating between demanding Minion kidnap Aerosmith for a private show and shouting out knock-knock jokes in what may have been Farsi. This was the bane of the Metro City, huh?

Conclusion: Unimpressed

* * *

><p>AN: So, there we go! I only had one scenario planned out fully in advance for this chapter. I literally just plopped down after class today and wrote out half of this chapter with no plan. Hopefully there aren't too many errors, but if there are, let me know. As always, send me a review with any comments, corrections, or suggestions. Thanks for your patience! And if any of you are interested in reading my dramione fic, let me know. I am a little hesitant to enter the HP fandom…

As always, I love you all! TTYL!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Greetings and Salutations! I hope everyone had a fantabulous holiday season. I spent the week before Christmas in Disney getting some hours of work in, and it was like seventy degrees.

Does. Not. Compute.

Do you know how strange it is to be buying Christmas presents and opening Hanukkah presents while melting in the heat? (I am agnostic, but live in the outskirts of the bible belt in North Carolina and am culturally and genetically Jewish, so YAY, both holidays!) Bottom line, it's weird.

On the way back, I got a review requesting a scene where Megamind discovers Christmas. Now, I have a feeling that Megs has at least some semblance of awareness about the holiday season, so I decided to take a few liberties with the prompt. Actually, I am writing this chapter completely free-hand (or free-type) so I could be wrong. Either way, I am writing this so punctually (for me, at least), mainly due to the anonymous Guest who wished for a Krissmiss scene. So, YAY for the Anonymous Reviewer! Furthermore, this chapter will probably have only two kidnappings, since I just typed up the first one and found it to be as long as the entire previous chapter. So, Kidnapping # 58 will have to wait.

As you will soon notice, both of the following scenes result in the same conclusion from our lovely reporter. The reason for this is that it is the holidays and it's hard to deny Megamind anything during such a fantabulous time.

…The real reason is that the two scenes follow the same story arc because I thought it best to keep the holiday scenes together. Also, I had to break my usual method of randomizing the various kidnappings because of the length and connectedness of the two situations. Sorry about that, but I really do like this holiday arc. Story arcs make me happy. However, I am running a little low on new ideas for story arcs such as the Snuggie and the Minion stories. Any ideas?

As always, I get my best inspiration when I receive prompts or suggestions from you, the helpless people of Metro…. Er, this website. I just have to ask myself…Who would I be without you?...Or your suggestions?!

Anyway, as always, I have rambled on enough. Time for the disclaimer, which I have been assured that people actually read! While this makes me happy, I now feel pressure. Damn… I have to be amusing. Well…

Disclaimer: As of December 25th, I now own a Finn the Human hat, an ever-dwindling amount of peppermint saltwater taffy, an automatic yarn winder for my knitting, a phone case with my ten-letter first name (minus the hyphen) written on it, a Wayne Brady CD and a fourth copy of Beetlejuice on DVD. So, I'm ok with not owning Megamind. I guess. For a week or so, at least.

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 31<p>

'Twas the week before Christmas,

and walking through the city,

Roxanne Ritchi felt a pang of self-pity…

No, that wasn't it. Not self-pity… maybe nervousness? It wasn't exactly fear; after being put in the middle of countless fights and explosions, it took a lot to really frighten the reporter. However, Roxanne couldn't completely disregard the thought that she was scared. She had unsurprisingly been chosen to head the Christmas interview series with Metro Man, who always spent the holiday season attending various fundraisers and benefits as opposed to only going out to fight or give a speech. Roxanne had been fine with this assignment; she had always felt guilty for lying to Jack, her loyal cameraman.

Jack was an older man, somewhere between fat and thin and just a bit taller than the short reporter herself. He had a fine head of thick gray hair and sparkling dark blue eyes, and his heavily lined face suggested that he had known his share of both joy and sorrow. Jack and his wife lived in a modest little apartment, and every year he and Martha made it a point to invite her over for Christmas dinner. Roxanne sincerely loved the couple, but she really did not like crowds…and Jack and Martha had four kids and nine grandchildren that always visited for the holidays. But now, she had the excuse that she and the crew who usually handled the serial stories had an assignment to do that night. Roxanne was pleased by this thought.

There was a catch, though. She had agreed to the assignment without reading the whole e-mail… it was required that she take off two weeks as the Christmas series would put her too far into overtime. As soon as Christmas was over, she would officially be on vacation until the middle of the second week of January. Even worse, Roxanne had forwarded the e-mail to her Mother in her excitement to finally have a legitimate reason to stay alone for the holidays and so now her Mother knew that she was free for New Years. As a result, Roxanne now was expected back home to visit the family… the family of Metro Man fanatics and nosy journalists and know-it-all mothers and stubborn fathers and jealous sorority-obsessed cousins who always wanted to know just how _alien_ the aliens of Metro City really were, and…

Roxanne exhaled heavily, her breath fogging in the cold December air. She could handle it. She was Roxanne Ritchi, and Roxanne Ritchi was nothing if not capable. She refused to waste another moment of her day worrying about her family. She continued down the sidewalk, focusing once again on the decorated window displays that lined both sides of the street. She headed to the toy store, still needing to purchase something for her young nephew. She debated between various video games, board games, and puzzles before spotting a new section between the baby dolls and the bicycles.

The superhero section had been expanded to include the resident hero and his archenemy. Roxanne debated for a few minutes before giving up and picking a few different items at random. She could always save some of the other presents for the kid's birthday or something. She left the store, but stopped short as she noticed something in the window that she had missed on her way in.

Roxanne laughed as she examined the display that featured small figurines of Megamind and Metro Man fighting with candy cane swords and wearing Santa hats in front of a little Christmas tree decorated with tiny brainbot ornaments. She went back into the store and found the figurine set. She laughed all over again. It was thirty bucks, but there was a little Minion and the brainbot ornaments glowed in the dark…

Roxanne bought the last three.

Roxanne completed the purchase and walked out, still giggling a little. Wayne would get a kick out of it, and Jack would laugh that big-belly laugh when he came in and found it set up on his desk. They would also look absolutely fantastic on the mantle of her fireplace. She never noticed the hand that stretched out seemingly from nowhere, but she did hear a familiar hiss from a certain aerosol can…

When she came to, she blurted out what had concerned her the moment she had heard the sound of the spray.

"If you guys lost all the presents I just bought, I promise you that I will make your life miserable…"

"Don't worry Miss Ritchi, I have all the packages." The kidnapping bag was gently removed, and Minion smiled at her a little fearfully.

Roxanne calmed down enough to smile back at the polite fish, but tensed up a little as she heard a rustling sound. Turning, she saw a familiar slender blue figure peering curiously into one of the several shopping bags.

"What it is about this time of year? I mean, honestly, it seems as though everyone has birthday parties on the twenty-fifth. Is it some kind of tradition or something? Or is it the result of some strange human mating ritual that culminates in mass celebrations beneath strangely decorated pine trees?"

Megamind stopped rooting through the bags when Roxanne snickered.

"Yes, Megamind, that is _exactly _the reason. There is a crazy mating ritual that takes place in March, so most of humanity is born in December."

"That makes sense." Megamind nodded thoughtfully, and Roxanne let out another peel of laughter. Her laughter slowly faded as she realized that Megamind was actually serious.

"Megamind, I was just joking. Those aren't really birthday presents."

"Of course they are! They are obviously tailored to the recipient's personality, so they can't be house-warming gifts. The only other explanation I could see for picking out a thoughtful present could be either to celebrate one's birth or an anniversary, and from the pie cookware set obviously meant for Mrs. Martha Gainer, it is obviously not an anniversary present since they were married in the spring." Megamind reasoned, gesturing emphatically to the fancy ceramic set she planned to send home with Jack. Roxanne was a little dazed by the rapidity of his argument, and decided to address the last part of his speech rather than the main issue.

"…How do you know the baking stuff is for Martha? Actually, how do you know who Martha is?"

"Well, she's Jack's mate- I mean wife, and Jack Gainer is your cameraman. She's quite nice, and her pies are absolutely fantastic. I met them a little while back, when their grandson got mixed up in that delinquent crowd at his high school."

Roxanne vaguely remembered that incident. A few years ago, back when kidnappings were few and far between, Jack had been out for a week or so, which meant Roxanne's kidnapping had gone unrecorded. His oldest grandchild Christopher, who was fifteen at the time, had become friendly with some of the less reputable students at his school. He had been offered a lift home when the car was pulled due to a broken taillight, but unfortunately the cop recognized the driver enough to warrant a search of the vehicle. Even though Chris had no idea that the student was a dealer, his presence landed him in a holding cell for several hours. Jack and Martha had accompanied the boy's parents to the jail and shortly after the charges were dropped. Roxanne had always sort of wondered how that had happened, but at the time, she had been a little distracted by the fight and subsequent arrest of the blue criminal in front of her.

"Anyway, back to the subject." Megamind declared, gesturing at the various bags and packages. "As we have already determined, these gifts are too specific to be anything other than a celebration of the individual. If it is not a birthday or anniversary occasion, what is the reason for this random desire to exchange presents? I mean, just look at _this_-"

Roxanne studied the blue man, who had resumed his energetic perusal of her purchases. She glanced over at Minion, who was also watching Megamind with a look of both indulgence and disbelief.

"Does he really not know what Christmas is?" Roxanne murmured quietly to the fish.

"Krissmiss? What is this Krissmiss?" Megamind's head popped up, confused.

"I suppose not, Miss Ritchi. I never got around to explaining it to the boss, and it's never really come up before in conversation…"

"Ahem, _what_ is Krissmiss?"

"He's never heard of Christmas? Good god, I knew he was naïve, but seriously, a childhood without Christmas…?"

"And Krissmiss is… what, exactly?"

"Well, the only people in the prison who celebrated Christmas took it from a religious standpoint, and Sir had never really bothered with that aspect when there were so many other interesting scientific phenomena, and he had already read the bible once…"

"For the love of Stephen Tyler, WHAT IS THIS KRISSMISS?!"

Roxanne and Minion both stared at Megamind, who looked torn between pouting about being ignored and angry that he was being denied knowledge. Roxanne began to explain.

"Christmas is a certain holiday that is celebrated in countries all over the world. It has religious roots and draws heavily upon Christianity, however it has become secularized enough that even non-religious people celebrate it. Do you know the nativity story?"

Megamind nodded impatiently, and spouted out the story quickly and effortlessly. Roxanne had a sneaking suspicion that it was verbatim from the bible.

"Yes, well, that story soon translated into a celebration that slowly gained popularity. Various traditions became associated with the season, and now it is almost equally considered a religious and a social celebration. You buy presents for friends and loved ones to show that you are thinking about them and acknowledge their presence in your life. Sometimes the presents are serious, sometimes they're funny, but either way, it is an expression of unselfish acknowledgement that you value or appreciate someone. It's so much fun to pick out presents and wrap them up and surprise people!" Her eyes began to sparkle as she enthused about her favorite holiday.

"I agree, Miss Ritchi! Even though Sir usually spends the holiday season in the lair, I usually make something special, like a new dish or new cape, even if I always forget to explain the reason, and-"

Megamind absorbed this information with a serious expression. He glanced between Roxanne and Minion, who both shared excited expressions. He bit his lip thoughtfully, brows furrowed. He clapped once in his usual gesture, having come to a decision. Striding majestically over to a large computer console, he began typing furiously. Behind him, Roxanne and Minion continued to share their opinions about the holiday season.

They had just begun comparing the various holiday specials when they noticed a large number of brainbots flying past them, carrying a large pine tree. Megamind continued typing, studying various images over the internet and relaying commands to his cyborg army.

As they watched, several bots began to hang tesla coils and shiny gears on the various branches of the tree. Other bots rushed around, clutching bundles of cloth, unmarked boxes and sheets of aluminum alloy. Megamind continued typing, but let out a three note whistle. One of his helpers, the bot that Roxanne recognized as Scribe, handed Megamind a fountain pen and a clean sturdy piece of paper. He wrote a short letter, still typing with one hand, then handed it to Scribe to put in an envelope. He wrote two words on the outside and asked the cyborg to take it to a particular country club downtown. As Scribe whirred away, Roxanne got a good glimpse at the elegant calligraphy that decorated the front.

_**T**o **W**ayne_

She and Minion exchanged baffled looks, and then suddenly Megamind was in front of them. Ignoring the questions the two were asking, he propelled Minion over to where some bots had somehow conjured up a large comfortable leather couch, then danced over to Roxanne. Megamind lifted Roxanne effortlessly, disregarding her surprised squeak and placed her next to his best friend. He untied her hands and rushed away, unmindful of his confused companions. Roxanne briefly considered leaving, but she was too curious. What was going on?

Mere moments after the caped figure had scooted out of sight, Metro Man flew through an open skylight, decked out in a snowy white cape, scarf, ear muff and glove set. He took in the sight of a hesitantly welcoming henchman and an unrestrained Roxanne, then shook his head and sat on the large couch as well.

"When I read that I was being "cordially invited" to the lair, I half-thought it was a joke, but it seems like the blue guy was being serious. What's going on here, Roxie?"

"Don't ask me, Wayne." Roxanne had recognized the circumstances. While Metro Man really did consider Megamind to be villainous and unstable, there was no denying that he followed a strange set of sportsmanlike rules. Whenever he addressed the hero as Wayne it meant that he was calling for a momentary time-out in fighting. Metro Man was never completely able to act civil to his blue enemy, but Megamind threw himself into the break whole-heartedly, exchanging his condescending attitude and contrived maniacal laughter for a friendly openness and childish immaturity. It had been this way for a long time, but while Roxanne recognized these episodes to be a break from the performance, Metro Man still considered them to be a sporadic and unstable mood change that was less than sincere. The awkward silence was interrupted by the appearance of their host, donning his traditional skull-print Snuggie and a large red bag and followed by Pinky with a large tray of mugs and three plates of cookies. Roxanne smelled the hot chocolate as the pink cyborg hummed over to Metro Man. Hesitantly, debating the likelihood of poison, he reached for a mug, but Roxanne interrupted him.

"No, that mug is mine. I like extra marshmallows." Before he could stop her, Roxanne took a large gulp of the drink. He stared at her, horrified at her carelessness, but she merely swallowed and raised an eyebrow at Megamind, who was fussing with the drawstring of his bag.

"I thought Minion was the one who made the drinks."

"Well, who do you think made the recipe? Sir is the one who likes chocolate; I have difficulties digesting it." Minion chimed in, reaching towards a small plate of cookies. He showed the reporter that his plate only had sugar or gingerbread cookies while theirs had chocolate chip and peppermint as well.

Bewildered at the thought of _Megamind_ in the kitchen, Metro Man dazedly accepted the drink and plate from the patient pink robot. Mechanically he took a sip, noting that here was another aspect where Megamind showed unnatural aptitude.

Meanwhile, Megamind was kneeling beneath his steam-punk style tree, pulling out three silver packages and still muttering to his pets. Minion noticed this and whispered quietly to the two people next to him.

"I believe we are exchanging presents. I have some things to give… I'll be right back." He hurried away, and after a silent conversation Metro Man silently sped away as well, using his super-speed to do some last-minute shopping. Roxanne walked over to the corner where her packages were, and stared sorting through them. The brainbots had left some spare wrapping materials nearby, so she had a way to wrap her gifts up. Having already picked out Wayne's present, she needed to find something for the other two aliens. Looking through the bag from the kitchen store, Roxanne spotted the cookbook that had been included when she bought Martha's present. Minion would probably appreciate it. Now, what about Megamind…? Eyes lighting up, she grinned and dug through her toy store purchases…

A short while later they were all sitting on the couch. Megamind was sitting on the floor, his green eyes sparkling as he grinned openly at the sight of nine more presents that had joined his three gifts on the floor. Minion, realizing that Megamind probably wanted to see how to proceed, volunteered to go first.

He handed Metro Man a brightly wrapped package, which turned out to be a CD of Elvis' Greatest Hits. Minion smiled bashfully, explaining that he had once heard him humming an Elvis song when an invention had been "warming up" and had remembered it when he saw the CD. Metro Man thanked the fish, smiling despite his confusion as he read the track list.

Roxanne opened her gift to find a recipe book entitled "101 Ways to Use Ramen Noodles" and a gift card to her grocery. She laughed, remembering joking with Minion about how she had basically lived off of the cheap noodles in college. She thanked him, making him flutter his fins in embarrassment.

Megamind quickly untied the ribbon on his gift box and opened it to reveal a new pair of handmade leather gloves. Minion explained he had combined insulated rubber in the treatment to allow the gloves to hold body heat without sacrificing the skintight qualities necessary for fiddling around with inventions. Megamind let out an impressed whistle and put them on immediately, thanking his "fantastic fish" enthusiastically and exchanging a fist bump.

Metro Man, apparently convinced by the presence of "the King" volunteered next. All of his presents were roughly the same size, wrapped in his usual colors. Minion unwrapped his first and found a CD named "Cape Cod Soundscapes"; Metro Man explained that it always reminded him of a restaurant named The Codfish near the harbor that made the best burgers. Minion nodded, mentioning he particularly loved their version of the traditional black-and-blue burger. Metro Man barely refrained from asking how the fish had managed to pull off dining in such a public restaurant and handed Roxanne her present.

Unwrapping the gift, Roxanne rolled her eyes at the custom made CD entitled "Insane Playlist". It was a running joke between the two that Roxanne was ridiculously unstructured when it came to playlists; oftentimes a classic Motown song was immediately followed with a death metal track before moving on towards a classical sonata. She thanked him, reading with difficulty the scribbled list of songs on the insert of the case.

Megamind peeled off the paper of his gift and stared with awe at the collection of Classic Rock that he found inside. Metro Man explained that it contained some of his favorites, including songs by Queen, Styx, Heart and Kiss. Megamind thanked him and asked him what his favorite track was, to which the tall hero replied that it was probably track number eight. Megmind promised that he would remember that for his next big entrance, making Wayne wonder how exactly Megamind would make a dramatic entrance with the comparatively mellow beginning of "Carry On Wayward Son".

Having determined what was expected of him, Megamind went next. He handed Minion a large parcel, laughing as the fish's eyes bulged as he felt the weight of the gift. Unwrapping it, he found what resembled a sophisticated sewing machine, if one ignored the spikes and chains that decorated it. Megamind explained the functions, stating he was unimpressed with the one Minion was currently using and had instead planned on giving him this invention as soon as the old one died. Minion gaped at his gift, stammering a thank you as he noticed the sturdy contraption that allowed even his large mechanical fingers to fit around while still being precise enough for daintier jobs.

Metro Man opened his gift next to reveal a signed CD of Kid Rock. Megamind explained that the rock star had visited the prison because an old friend was serving time there and had been gracious enough to sign the CD that he had asked (or ordered) a guard to carry over. He nodded his thanks, running his fingers over the autograph. Sure he was a hero, but even celebrities get star-struck.

Roxanne was handed a soft package, and Megamind looked apprehensive as she opened the gift. He relaxed as she smiled widely and immediately donned the snowflake printed Snuggie. He explained that he had wanted to wrap up "Her Snuggie", as they called it (Wayne raised one eyebrow at this) but he wanted to keep a backup in case they ever kidnapped her and forgot to grab the new light blue one. Wayne tensed up at the mention of kidnapping, but Roxanne merely nodded, finding it imminently reasonable. Thanking him, she shook back her sleeves and stood.

Roxanne usually hated going last because she always worried that someone else had gotten the same gift, but she was excited as she watched Minion unwrap the book of pie recipes. Minion smiled brightly, promising to make her a pie the first chance he got. He flipped eagerly through the book, brown eyes shining as he considered which one to try first.

Metro Man burst out into laughter when he opened his gift, even allowing his blue enemy to see what he got. Megamind laughed as well, and called for one of his bots to bring him some peppermint. He flourished his stick dramatically, and he and Wayne carried out a mock fencing fight complete with candy puns and wintery references. Metro Man slowly began to realize who he was fighting, but before he could break up whatever this thing was, a laughing Minion reminded Megamind that he still needed to open his present.

Megamind settled down and gently accepted the small gift from Roxanne. He smiled up at her, making her grin back a little foolishly. He opened it up and froze, staring at the gift. He raised his head slowly, holding up the contents of the present and staring challengingly at the three still figures on the couch.

"Of course you realize, this means _WAR!"_

Twenty minutes later, Megamind was dancing around the room, having beaten Metro Man's last card of a Queen of Hearts (featuring a determined Roxanne) with his Ace of Spades (featuring a smirking Megamind). Minion and Roxanne had lost early on, and had been playing with the music system in the lair and their new CDs.

"I beat you, I beat you, I, Me, MEGAMIND, beat YOU! HAHAHA!"

Even Metro Man couldn't stop himself from applauding as Megamind performed a particularly impressive dance move before bowing dramatically just as Roxanne's CD ended. Megamind smiled at his audience, then nodded once, clapping his hands as he came to a decision.

"Alright, so I have decided that Krissmiss deserves respect. Therefore, I propose a ceasefire until the first week of January, after the Metrocity Fireworks, in keeping with the Krissmissian spirit. Agreed?" Metro Man nodded once tersely, realizing he had forgotten that he was currently hanging out with his archenemy, but Roxanne interrupted as she remembered her obligations.

"I can't! I won't be back in town until at least the tenth. My family is forcing me home for New Years. The only fireworks I am going to get will be from fighting with my annoying parents and stupid cousins."

Megamind looked disappointed at this, but Minion quickly suggested that they could wait until the twelfth or so, just in case. Megamind nodded, but his eyes took on a familiar puckish sparkle as an idea began to form.

It was getting late, and Roxanne was almost disappointed to mention that she had to get home. Megamind quickly gathered up everyone's presents and dehydrated them so they could carry them home, even dehydrating her earlier purchases since Metro Man had volunteered (or insisted) on taking her home. Waving goodbye and exchanging season's greetings, the two slowly floated up through the ceiling. Roxanne looked down, watching as Megamind examined his presents with awe. She was glad that she had been there for his first Christmas. Looking down at her Snuggie, which she still wore, Roxanne smiled softly at the thought of the impromptu ceasefire and Christmas party. Megamind had definitely embraced the Christmas spirit.

Conclusion: Impressed

* * *

><p>Kidnapping # 32<p>

Roxanne fought the urge to bang her head against the table for the umpteenth time that night. It was around ten PM on the 31st, and she cursed the rule against alcohol that her parents had always enforced. She ruefully acknowledged that if it weren't for that rule she probably would have become an alcoholic years ago. She loved her family…in theory. In practice, it was more of a "barely tolerate" mentality.

"Honestly Roxanne, you should have invited that handsome hero of yours over here, we have plenty of room, and it is only proper, you know…" Rita Ritchi clucked her tongue at her daughter, picking up yet another empty platter from the table. No matter how many times she tried to explain that she was not dating anybody, her entire family still firmly believed that she and the caped crusader were close to announcing an engagement.

"Aunt Rita, it's obvious why Rox doesn't want to bring Metro-Hunk over to meet the family."

"She knows that he would trade up the moment he saw us."

Ah, Jenny and Jessie. Her twin cousins were seniors at Metro University, both majoring in communications as was typical of the family. The two looked completely different from Roxanne; tall, tanned, blonde and curly haired with athletic builds. Roxanne groaned as they continued explaining the reasons for her supposed rationale behind the absence of the caped crusader.

"That's not the reason, girls. The reason is that my little Roxie is too selfish to share her handsome catch with the rest of us."

"Oh hush, Rita." Robert Ritchi snorted, crossing his burly arms and rolling his eyes. "The real reason is that Roxanne just doesn't trust you all to behave yourselves. I would obviously be fine, since I know Metro Man the best. It's a guy thing."

"Bob, that is just plain ridiculous."

"Well, Uncle Bob is right that Rox shouldn't trust us. We would break them up in a snap." Jessie flipped her hair arrogantly as Jenny snapped her manicured fingers.

James, the older brother of the two twins, let out a derisive snicker. "I wish Metro Man would switch to you two. If Megamind ever got ahold of you both, I don't think you could manage to survive the ordeal. What if you broke a nail?"

"Shut up, James. We could totally handle being Metro Man's damsels in distress. Besides, identical twins mean double the fun."

Roxanne sighed, glad to have shifted the focus from her relationship status. She glanced out the window, knowing that a mere two hour drive would find her back at Metro Park, preparing to watch the annual Metro City Fireworks. As her cousins continued to argue that they would be excellent victims, Roxanne caught sight of two faces peering in at the window, one waving excitedly and the other examining the situation. Biting back a diabolical smile, Roxanne motioned towards the backyard and indicated that she needed five minutes. She convinced her parents to allow her to finish up with the cleaning; they never stayed up till midnight, even on New Year's.

Once her parents were gone, Roxanne turned to the still arguing siblings.

"So, you two think you would make better kidnapping targets than me?"

"Uh, no duh."

"Want to prove it?" Without another look, Roxanne dumped the rest of the trash into the garbage and strode out the back door. The blonde siblings all shared looks before rushing out after her, Jessie in the lead.

"And how, exactly, are we supposed to prove-"Jenny was interrupted when she bumped into her sister, who had frozen in shock at the sight in front of her. James took one look around his two frozen sisters before scampering back in the house.

"Miss Ritchi, when you asked for a few minutes I didn't think it was because you wanted eye-witnesses." The blue man was amused to see the two young women shaking in front of him. Roxanne, appreciating the sight just as much, began the introductions.

"Megamind and Minion, Jessie and Jenny; Jenny and Jessie, Minion and Megamind." The aliens nodded cordially to the pale twins, who merely squeaked in response. "Now, my two lovely cousins are convinced that you and Metro Man would be much happier replacing me with the two of them, saying that identical twins mean twice the value. What do you think?"

Megamind studied the two blondes in front of him. Jessie and Jenny hesitantly met his gaze…and then couldn't stop staring. Roxanne could sympathize, having felt the magnetic pull of those incredible green eyes multiple times. They really were the most gorgeous eyes in the world…

Jessie and Jenny were hypnotized by the alien's intense gaze. Yes, he was blue and dangerous and insane…but hot damn, his eyes were more deadly than any of his inventions. They both donned identical blushes, but still remained silent. They jumped as Megamind clapped his hands together.

"Impossible. First; there are two of them, making it too easy to force Metro Man into sacrificing one of them. It would just be unsporting to take two victims…merely hang one over the alligators and tie another to a bomb and it would be too difficult even for Metro Man to rescue them both and stop me." The girls swallowed, trembling at the thought. Megamind continued.

"Second, they are obviously not as well-spoken as you, nor do they seem particularly remarkable. They have barely said a single word to me, and a villain always does best with an appropriate valuable victim." Roxanne struggled not to blush, recognizing that as a compliment. Megamind gestured at her cousins again.

"Third, their claim that identical twins give them an advantage is wrong since I can easily tell the difference between them. They aren't completely identical."

Now that took everyone by surprise. No one had ever been able to tell the difference between the two sisters.

"Minion, turn him around." Minion flipped his boss around, finding this game entertaining while Roxanne darted forwards and switched the girls around, then quietly nudged them back into their previous spots. Megamind was turned back around.

"They are still in the same place. That's Miss Jessie and that's Miss Jenny." He pointed to one twin and then the other.

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Isn't it obvious? Miss Jessie has a tiny birthmark on her right hand that Miss Jenny doesn't." Everyone stared at Jessie's hand, including the blonde herself. No one had ever noticed that before.

"Now this was fun, but enough games. We are running short on time and I'd like to get this kidnapping going. I reject the twin idea."

"We only care about Metro Man." Jenny blurted out, incensed by the abrupt dismissal. She squeaked when Megamind shot her a patronizing look, those deep green eyes silencing her.

"He would never replace Roxanne with you two. He's not an idiot or a masochist." As the twins began to tear up, he let out the killing blow. "And he hates blondes."

The twins let out two loud wails and ran back into the house. Minion smiled apologetically as he shook the familiar aerosol can, and the next thing Roxanne knew was darkness.

When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Metro Man sitting next to her. Looking around, she noticed she was at the park in Metro City.

"Where's Megamind and Minion?" Roxanne asked Wayne, looking around.

"Well, the firework show is about to begin."

"So…?" Roxanne's eyes widened as she realized the reason why there were never any kidnappings on New Year's.

"Yeah, they've been doing it for years. 'Course that's a secret between the city planner, the mayor, the warden and myself, got that? No reporting."

Roxanne nodded, and the fireworks began. She had always loved these fireworks, ever since her first year in Metro City. The knowledge that such a beautiful and impressive display was the brain-child of the most hated criminal in the city made her admire them even more. Here was yet another example of the duality of Megamind… and then a particularly spectacular explosion left the crowd ooh-ing and ahh-ing. For the next half-hour, Roxanne drank in the sight of the impressive show, joining the thunderous applause when the final surge of rockets exploded.

Metro Man flew her back, laughing as Roxanne explained what had happened before her "kidnapping". They landed in the backyard, and Roxanne could see three pairs of blue eyes staring wide-eyed at them from the curtains. Roxanne curtsied dramatically, and Metro Man played along, puffing up impressively and waving as he headed back to Metro City.

Walking into the house, Roxanne braced herself for a confrontation. However, the only question her cousins could think of left her in awe of the blue villain's psychological strategies.

"Is it true Metro Man hates blondes?"

Conclusion: Impressed (the fireworks AND the trouble twins? Happy Holidays indeed!)

* * *

><p>AN: So, there we have it. It is currently 2:03 AM on the 31st of December and I am ready for sleep. Hopefully you guys read the ridiculously long author's note at the beginning of this chapter; I explained the irregularity of having put consecutive stories together.

I am soooo tired. I will probably add on some more when I revise this tomorrow.

A/N 2: Hey there! It is 4:45 and I just re-read this chapter. It looks good to me, so I am heading off to update now. If I missed anything, let me know.

I really loved this chapter, so I hope you guys did too. If I could draw I would have illustrated the party scene for you all... I can see it so clearly!

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday season. I will talk to you all next year!

Don't forget to please review and offer suggestions, they really help me out.

As usual, I love you all! TTYL!


End file.
